The Five People Nick Stokes Meets In Heaven
by Samsara Dallire
Summary: Sometimes a life has to end before we embark on our greatest journey. A journey which teaches us how we impact others during the course of our existance. Rated M for violence and sexual content. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Nick Stokes or CSI. They are owned and operated by CBS. **

**Please dont' sue. You won't get much anyways.**

**Rating: M for violence and sexual content.**

**Pairing: Nick/Mandy**

**Synopsis: Sometimes life had to end before we learn our great lessons.**

**THE FIVE PEOPLE NICK STOKES MEETS IN HEAVEN**

_It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time._

_Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet In Heaven_

As graveyard shift coroner, Doc Robbins shuffled through the halls of the Las Vegas morgue. He couldn't help but notice the deafening silence of the lab he just left after meeting with Dr. Langston. Save for the occasional spin of a centrifuge and the crash of a vile with a small curse following it, it was pretty much hush hugh in there. If he didn't know better, he'd swear he had never left the confines of the morgue.

The death of Warrick Brown and the departure of Gil Grissom had cast a grey pallor over the lab. The staff was zombie-like as they struggled to cope with the losses of such highly respected and loved individuals.

Dr. Langston and Riley Adams, the newest members of the team, had walked by him and smiled. The coroner liked these new folks. Riley was a young, snappy talker who brought humour back to the demoralized graveyard shift.

The elevators chimed as he walked out and continued his way down the hall. He pushed the doors open and noticed something odd. The light was out. Ears perked, he flipped the switch and his attention was caught by the sound of wheezing.

"Hello?" Doc Robbins called out. "Is anyone here?"

A whimper greeted his call and he followed the pants and cries for help. He stopped short.

Nick Stokes lay on his stomach. After many years, he recognized the man's broad shoulders and dark hair. One arm was laid in front of him and the other to his side. His head was to one side.

But what held the coroner's attention was the pool of blood that had formed underneath the prone body.

"Jesus Christ!" Doc looked around and made his way out of the room to safety, not missing the sound of Nick feebly calling for him twisting his heart painfully.

Thank God, Brass and Greg were headed his way as he hastily ran over as fast his prosthetic legs allowed him, which was damn fast, putting flesh and bone legs to shame.

"Nick! Stab wounds." Shock and horror had limited Doc's speech.

Pulling out his gun, the detective pushed the doors open and screamed, "Police, get your hands up." Greg followed but halted as he came upon the sight of Nick lying on the floor in a pool of blood.

"Greg, don't move!" Brass ordered as he moved through the morgue calling into his radio for EMTs to come here pronto, gun held high as he checked crevices and corners before nodding. "It's clear."

Doc and Greg raced to Nick's side. Doc turned him over gently, placing a finger on his throat. "Pulse is weak."

Nick was wearing a white coat, meaning he'd been planning to be there. His eyes were open as Greg leaned over. "Nick, can you hear me?" The CSI's white lab coat was soaked in blood.

"Fresh blood!" Doc called to Brass who scurried over. "This just happened! Grab some gauze off the counter there. I'm gonna try to stymie the blood flow. Doc pushed the lab coat aside and pulled the Texan's blue-striped shirt up out of his pants. "He's got a knife between the ribs!" he announced. "The EMTs better get here fast! Blood and air entry into his chest could lead to lung collapse." Doc's voice was tense, yet controlled as his focus was on saving a life, a dramatic change from his normal death-filled career.

Meanwhile, a distraught Greg looked into Nick's fear-filled brown eyes. "Hang in there! Don't go anywhere!" He told him while his mind screamed, "No! Not again! Please!"

Nick lifted up his hand slowly. Greg grabbed it, but Nick snatched it back, grunting and shoving his fingernails into Greg's face.

"Skin scrapings?" Greg asked. A moment of confusion cleared. "You got skin scrapings."

Nick coughed and nodded and then tried to speak. It came out in a sputter. "Uni…uni…br..."

"Uni...a uni? A cop?" Greg asked. Nick shook his head and grunted in pain.

Doc cursed. "Jesus…" He laid the gauze over the wounds. "Where the hell are they?!"

Prayers were answered as the EMTs burst through the door, one of them Wilcox, a young black man who'd been with Nick the night he had been brought out of his shallow grave. Now once again he was witness to another tragedy of Nick Stokes.

"How long ago did this happen?" Wilcox dove down on bended knees, stethoscope placed on the Texan's chest listening for a heartbeat.

"Given the freshness of the blood, it wasn't very long." Doc moved aside, allowing the EMTs to do their work.

"Nick, can you hear me?" Wilcox asked, flashing a light into his eyes while another went to work to assist in slowing the blood flow. "Hang in there, man, okay? Nick? Nick?!"

xxxXXxx

Here is where Nick Stokes' story begins or ends.

Nothing felt the same. Crime scenes didn't feel the same. The locker room didn't feel the same. The lab didn't feel the same.

It wasn't the same. He'd suffered three losses within a year. First his friend, or who he thought was his friend, was gone: Sara Sidle.

Some friend! She had left without saying goodbye to him. Nick would never forgive her for that. It was bad enough her whole world had become absorbed with Grissom. Even worse, she'd never even told him they were dating. How could she do that to him? Was he that untrustworthy?

Grissom had done the same thing. He expected that. That was just Grissom being Grissom.

Warrick Brown's death shattered him. Nick had never experienced such grief and pain in his life. It consumed him. He woke up day after day with it waiting for him, consuming him, chewing him up and spitting him out.

At work, he kept himself in professional mode. He was good at that. He knew how to compartmentalize his emotions. He'd had lots of practice.

Day after day, questions zoomed in and out of Nick's head like ravens dive bombing for him. Self reproach, self hatred, self blame.

_Why?_

And another one hovered like a fly around him.

_Had I been there, would I have been shot too?_

Finally all too consuming thought seared his soul.

_It should have been me._

While he was trying to get a number off some waitress, his buddy was being gunned down by McKeen.

Now, no one ever mentioned it to him, and for what it was worth, the waitress took off before he even got the chance. While he was checking her out, she gave him a rather hostile look as if he was gangrene or something, and then he realized why. She was very young, probably too young for him.

He never let his age bother him before, but now as thought about it he was 37 years old, and that's too old for checking out waitresses who looked about 22 or 23.

With that thought, he'd left the restaurant.

Hours later, he was in a back alley watching his boss hold his best friend. Dead. Grissom had thrown Nick a hostile look as if to ask, "Where the hell were you?" before adopting a bereaved look.

After that, Nick's mind went immediately into case mode. Find the killer, and that was what held him together for the first period of grief he entered. What was the stage - shock? Yeah, but not shocked enough. It was obvious to him from the moment he saw the knuckle prints who the killer was. But evidence was still needed to support it.

Then the moment came when he held his gun on McKeen and every fibre of being wanted to finish the man…blow his fucking brains out of his head. And he fired. He fired and missed. Odd. Frightening.

Because he really intended to kill him.

xxXXxx

Pain. Unbearable pain.

Nick lay there, hearing voices around him. He held up his hand to the one that felt the most familiar to show him the skin scraping he managed to slice off his attacker.

_Jesus. I just want to take one good breath! Just one good breath!_

Nick opened his eyes and heard his name being called. A young boy with blue eyes and curly blonde hair dressed in jeans and a navy blue hoodie stood over him and held out his hands. Nick reached for them, and the boy helped him stand up and then led him away to the clouds in front of them.

Clouds of purple, blue, green, and pink surrounded him as he walked on. He didn't know where he was, but he knew he was somewhere. The pain was gone and he could breathe again.

He looked down at himself and saw that he wasn't wearing the same clothes as he was before he was stabbed. No. He was wearing black slacks and a polo shirt. Man, he hadn't dressed like that in years. Once Grissom came aboard, he was able to relax his attire and dress more informally.

So why was he in this outfit?

Then the clouds cleared and he looked up to see he was in Grissom's old office, the one he worked in before Brass's demotion. He looked around and saw a woman with brown curly hair sitting in a chair facing the desk.

"Where am I?" Nick asked as he looked down at the boy who looked so familiar, but he couldn't place him. Then he remembered: Chase Ryan, the young boy who was found on a bus bench outside a laundry mat. Poor kid was killed by his best friend who shoved him into a dryer and put a kazillion coins in and left him to shake and bake.

The boy smiled and said, "Heaven."

"Chase!" Nick blurted out and reached toward him.

Chase grinned. "Thanks for solving my murder, Nick. My friend, Andy…well, he didn't mean it. He was screwed up."

With those words, Chase vanished.

Slowly turning around, Nick peered closely at the woman and walked toward her. Rolling a tongue around his lips he finally managed to speak. "Hello?"

The woman turned her head slowly and looked at him, and Nick immediately recognized her. "Holly Gribbs."

Holly smiled and stood up and walked over to him. "Hello, Nick."

"What are you doing here?"

"I was sent to greet you." She looked around. "Of all places to be?"

"Yeah, that kid said I was in Heaven?" Nick gestured to the young lad who led him to Grissom's office.

"Yep." Holly nodded. "Welcome, Nick."

"Welcome to where?"

"Heaven."

Nick laughed. "Yeah, right. I'd have to be…" His laughter stopped abruptly and then he realized. "No, I'm not dead."

Holly faced him. "You are dead, Nick."

Silence fell between them as purple and blue mist surrounded them.

Nick gripped his stomach with his hand sat down on the chair Holly had vacated. "Fuck!"

"Yeah. I know." Holly sat on Grissom's desk. "When you first realize it, you don't want to believe it."

"God. Warrick, me…" Nick breathed and placed his head in his hands. "Damn." Then he looked up at her confused. "So why…why are you here?"

"Well," Holly shrugged her shoulder. " I was sent to lead you along. You see in order to gain access to Heaven, Nick, you have to meet with five people who've had an impact on your journey through your life."

"Five people?" Nick stared at her, confused.

"Five people." Holly confirmed. "I'm not one of them, because we barely knew each other, but I'm going to lead you on to the first person you meet in Heaven."

She held out her hand. Nick tentatively took it and she led him out of Grissom's office.

Nick had barely known Holly Gibbs. He remembered how beautiful she was. Her skin was like mocha and she was very smart. Along the corridor she lead him.

Nick stopped and said, "I'm surprised by something."

She studied him. "What are you surprised about?"

"That I even made it into Heaven," Nick claimed and then allowed her to lead him along the lonely and empty corridors of the lab.

"I told you." Holly reminded him. "You're not there yet, you have to first meet these five people. We all have to go through this."

"Who says?" Nick asked.

"The one who operates Heaven." Holly answered.

"God?"

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "That's one of the names their called."

Suddenly, the lab dissipated. Mists appeared and vanished and they were on the Strip with the Keno guy waving his hand side to side smiling hideously. The sky was black and the streets were empty. Nary a car, or hooker, junkie or homlesss person walked the lonely streets and road. Streetlights lit up the night.

Nick was about to ask Holly if this was Heaven, and if it was, it sure as hell (pardon the pun) looked like Vegas, when suddenly another woman walked up to him in a short leather skirt and sheer blouse with cleavage galore. Her highlighted brown hair fell sweepingly around her shoulders.

Kristy Hopkins.

Nick felt a mixture of happiness and sheer joy as he let go of Holly's hand and ran up to Kristy who welcomed him with a big toothy grin and embraced him.

"What? Are you as surprised as I am to see me here?" she asked while chewing some gum.

"No more than I was to find myself here." Nick broke the embrace and held her shoulders. He turned to say something to Holly but she had disappeared.

Turning back to Kristy, confused, the deceased hooker said, "Her time with you was done. Now it's my turn." She hooked her arm through his and continued, "Let's go walking, Nick."

Together they walked until suddenly Nick found himself on the roof of the Monte Carlo. He was getting used to the sudden change of scenery. Kristy invited him to sit on the edge of the roof with her. He did so, scared at first until he remembered he was dead and so there was nothing to worry about.

Their legs dangled over the edge as Nick looked down at the empty streets and finally asked. "So you're the first person I'm supposed to meet with?"

"Yep." She answered cheerfully.

"And what are we going to talk about?" Nick asked nervously.

"Your life before you came here," Kristy said and suddenly, with a small flash, her attire changed. Now she was dressed modestly in slim fitting jeans and a tunic top.

Nick's eyes widened in surprise and confusion.

"I was only allowed to wear those clothes for identification purposes," she explained. "Now that you remember me, I can be who I am in this place." She rubbed his back.

"I never forgot you, Kristy." Nick pressed his lips together tightly. "Never. I'm sorry I wasn't there to save you. To protect you from Jack."

"You have nothing to be sorry about, Nick," Kristy told him. "And you paid for me to have a decent burial. Shows me what an honourable man you were."

"It wasn't anything fancy."

"It was better than being buried in a public plot on top of a homeless person." Kristy sighed sadly. "I was only 25. I wish I had done a lot of things in my life differently."

She looked up at the sky. "He still in jail."

"Yeah." Nick joined her in studying the constellations. "Twenty five to life, just like I told him he would."

"I'm glad your friend caught him." Kristy said. "And glad you didn't go to jail for it."

"So was I. It was hard. My boss never forgave me for…" Nick couldn't finish the sentence, but Kristy knew what he was about to say and did it for him. "Sleeping with a hooker."

"Not exactly a smart move when you work for the LVPD." Nick explained then retracted. "I mean, _worked_ for the LVPD since it looks like my time with them is done."

"They were lucky to have someone like you on board regardless of what you did in your private time, Nick." Kristy said sincerely then continued. "But that's not why I'm here. Let's talk about your life before you came here. Specifically, your love life and why I was picked for this task."

Nick scoffed, "What love life? After you there wasn't much there to celebrate. I didn't have a serious relationship to speak of. There was no time for one and then I simply didn't want anyone serious."

"Awww, but there was one woman whom there was potential for, but you threw her away like trash." Kristy's green eyes grew steely as she said this.

Nick returned her gaze with a confused one. "What do you mean?"

"I'm talking about a woman you treated pretty badly before you came here, Nick."

Gulping, Nick stuttered. "You mean..."

She looked at indignantly. "Mandy."

DAMN!

**A/N: The title is lovingly borrowed from one of my favourite books called _The Five People You Meet In Heaven_ by Mitch Albom. It's about an old guy who dies saving a little girl from a Ferris wheel accident in the park he worked in. Fantastic book!**


	2. THE FIRST PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN

_THE FIRST PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN_

_Special thanks to Smokey for her BETA work on chapter one and two._

_Warning: Graphic sexuality ahead._

"_No life is a waste," the Blue Man said. "The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are lone."_

Grief was an enemy Nick was constantly running from. Despair he fought off like a gladiator in a pen of hungry lions.

However, enemies one and two were slowly finding a way to get to him.

Nick sat on the bench in the locker room staring at the name tag of _Warrick Brown_. He had been given the grievous task of emptying out his locker and had been putting it off until Catherine told him the newbie would be coming and they needed it. Running a hand along his chin he slowly opened the box and stood up to open the locker.

Christ, he could smell the guy. His POLO cologne greeted the Texan. Then Nick looked at a picture and bit his bottom lip. It was a picture of the two of them together taken at the lab baseball game last summer after they'd kicked the unis' asses. CSIs against unis.

He smiled and took the picture off the locker, unhooking it from the magnet of a local children's singing group Warrick had donated to, and stared at it for a while.

"Need some help?"

Startled he turned and saw Mandy Webster standing in the doorway dressed in a slim fitting, red t-shirt and a long denim skirt, covered by a dark blue lab coat.

Nick smiled faintly and opened his locker and placed the picture in there along with a picture of his nieces and nephews taken at the last family reunion he'd attended.

"No, I'm okay. Thanks," he answered softly. "You can come in if you want."

"I wasn't sure," Mandy said as she slowly walked in and went over to her locker just a few doors down from his. "I'll be quick."

"No, don't worry about it, Mandy." Nick pulled out Warrick's vest, held it and took a deep breath listening to the lab tech slip off her coat and hang it up.

A lump formed in his throat. "You know, could you..."

She stared him sadly. "Do you want me to take care of his vest for you?"

"Do you mind?" Nick had his face in the locker trying to shield his tears that were slipping out.

"Not at all, Nick." Mandy walked over and tentatively touched his shoulder. "You know it would go faster if I helped you. I'd really like to."

"Yeah, sure."

Quietly she stood there and carefully packed the items Nick handed her. Not once did he look at her as he handed her clothes which she folded up and placed in the box, a birthday card; soap; cologne; aftershave; a comb.

It didn't take long as there was very little to pack. It was finally over.

Taking a deep breath, Nick faced Mandy and said, "Thanks, I appreciate it."

"Yeah, Nick anytime." Mandy held the vest to her chest and looked down at the box. "What are you going to do with these things?"

"What we did with the rest of his things. Donate them," Nick answered turning back and closing the door and staring at the name tag for a few minutes.

"It's like a band aid, Nick," Mandy told him. "Just whip it off and it will be done."

Nick snorted and followed her lead. It was done. He then laid the tag on a shelf in his locker. "I think I'll keep it."

"Why not?" Mandy asked.

A pause for a second and then she cleared her throat. "Listen, do you want to hang out? I mean...I'm not...this is...I'm just..."

Nick turned around slowly and stared at her, surprised.

"I just figured…I mean…I don't know what your plans are, but you want to hang out a bit at my place?" Mandy's face was flushed and embarrassed. "Never mind. I'll just go and just...check this in."

"I'd like that," Nick answered. "I mean, I just go home and have a beer and hit the sack and start all over again. Although, I've got the day off. I'm on call because we're so short and we've got Wendy helping out…but sure."

Mandy's eyes widened with surprise and she said, "Well then, let's go check this vest in and we'll be on our way."

"What did you have in mind?" Nick asked after the clerk took the vest and thanked them.

She scrunched her pixie face. "Want to check out the Dogs of Eads? It's only around the corner."

Nick smiled. "Oh that new pub? Sure!"

xxXxx

"Outside the night air was cool and crisp as they held onto each other after killing a jug of Coors between them and trying to dance a jig and a reel to _Drunken Sailor._

"I don't know about you," Nick told her, "but I think we should get a cab."

"Yeah, I don't live that far. So I'll start off and you finish," Mandy said waving down one.

"Unless," she said as they climbed into one that smelt strongly of cheap aftershave while the driver talked on his cell phone in Spanish.

"You wanna save a couple of bucks and crash at my house tonight?" Mandy asked.

Nick stared at her for a second. Truth was, he really wanted to go home and just flop on the couch and watch a DVD Greg had made of the last barbecue they'd had with Warrick. It was in his bag at the moment.

Then again, he didn't feel like dealing with the long cab ride to work in the morning. So he agreed. "Yeah, you know that would be great."

A couple of shots of whiskey later, Nick sat with Mandy in her cluttered, tiny apartment painted chocolate brown - giving it a warm and soft look - with stand alone lamps and movie posters - _Godfather, Boogie Nights, The Departed_.

"So you must be a Mark Wahlberg fan?" Nick asked as he studied the poster with an amused look.

She flushed and nodded. "Yeah, he's kind of hot. In fact, I still might have a copy of _Marky Mark_ _and the Funky Bunch_ around here somewhere."

"Awww!" Nick held up his hand. "No. I think I'll pass."

Chuckling, Mandy began to scurry about like a mouse in maze.

"I'm sorry, I haven't had a chance to clean," she explained, embarrassed as she quickly picked up newpapers and clothes from couches and threw them into a laundry basket which she shoved with one foot into the bathroom.

Amused, Nick told the nervous lab tech, "Hey, I haven't had a chance to vacuum in weeks."

"You?!" Mandy looked surprised as she picked up some dishes and raced into the kitchen which was separated by a bar. She shoved them into the dishwasher and quickly set about getting them washed up.

"Yeah!" Nick said.

"I don't know. You look like a neat freak to me," she said as she walked over to the fridge. "I've got Coors…Guiness."

"Coors will do," Nick called back. "At work, I'm a neat freak. At home, I'm a slob."

"Awww…" Mandy nodded. "You're neat when you need to be." She came over and handed him a can.

"Absolutely." Nick stood and took stock of her movie collection.

"_Godfather_!" Nick said aloud. "All three of them?" He turned and looked at her in complete surprise. "Figured you'd like romantic movies and such."

"Why? 'Cause I'm a girl?"

Nick smiled crookedly. "Yeah." His finger trailed the cover.

"They're classics."

"Oh I agree." He turned back and looked at her quizzically. She had pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"Whoa, going for the hard stuff." Nick grinned in delight as he walked over to his bag and rummaged through it. "Listen, do you want to watch this with me?"

Mandy brought the bottle and two tumblers to a tiny coffee table stationed in front of a 53 inch wide screen TV before looking at the DVD he showed her.

"Greg gave me my own copy." She gingerly took it and studied him. "He just handed these out today."

"Yeah." Nick shoved his hands into his jean pockets. "I haven't had a chance to watch it yet."

Mandy's eyebrows knitted together as she asked. "You sure you don't want to do that alone?"

"No." Nick shook his head. "I'd like to watch it with someone. Can't with Catherine, she's still a mess. I mean at work. We put on the professional façade, but on our own is where we let our guard down."

"You feel safe enough with me to do that?" Mandy asked, her brown eyes wide with surprise.

"Well, you're better than that English therapist," Nick answered.

"Oh, so you never went to see her," Mandy said with a smirk. "Why am I not surprised?"

"What do you mean?" Nick asked as he walked over and sat down on the couch.

Mandy sighed and nodded and showed him the DVD player while she sat down on the couch and poured the Jack Daniels. "You're Nick Stokes, superman of the lab, straight arrow, the invincible, indestructible CSI."

"Is that what people think of me?" Nick asked, getting up and sliding the DVD in.

"That's what YOU want them to think of you," Mandy accused.

"Hey, when Warrick got shot, he died in Grissom's arms," Nick told her as he walked back over and sank down in the L Shaped, corduroy, brown couch with gigantic cushions. "So he was shattered. Catherine was barely holding on. Greg was a zombie. Someone had to take the lead."

"I'm not saying you're wrong to do that," Mandy told him as she took a sip of Jack Daniels. "I'm saying you still should see that therapist. She's very nice."

"I'm fine," Nick said. "Warrick would have wanted us to move on and so I'm gonna do that." He finished the sentence with a determined nod and then aimed the remote at the player and pressed PLAY. "My work is my therapy."

"You call dead bodies therapy?" Mandy asked.

Avoiding the question, Nick picked up his glass and watched as his friend's face filled her screen as a smooth, silky voice sang:

_How do I say goodbye to what we had?_

_The good times that made us laugh_

_Outweigh the bad_

"Great, Boyz to Men!" Mandy sighed and grabbed box of tissues and handed it to Nick.

_I thought we'd get to see forever_

_But forever's gone away_

_It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday_

The Texan's throat tightened as he leaned over to place his elbows on his knees with his chin in his folded hands. The video was from the barbecue Catherine had shortly before Warrick's death. The lanky black man was standing at a grill joshing it with Grissom about who was the better cook. Warrick touted his grandmother's special seasoning while Nick heard himself in the background announcing he'd brought Pepto Bismol for the event and Warrick warned him not to insult his grandmother's recipe. Nick retorted that he wasn't insulting his grandmother's recipe, only Warrick's version of it.

Warrick laughed and held up a beer before pouring the remnants out onto the grill. Catherine walked up beside and warned him if he set fire to the place she'd nail him to the cross.

In silence, Nick sat momentarily forgetting where he was. He was so caught up in the video that he was oblivious to the tears sliding down his cheeks. He picked up the glass of Jack Daniels and absent mindedly gulped it back.

As the song ended, so did the video with a caption reading: We miss you Warrick!

Then the screen went blank.

A sniffle caught the attention of the Texan. He turned to see Mandy wiping tears from her cheeks with a tissue. She handed the box to Nick who laughed softly and grabbed a few and dabbed his eyes.

"Leave it to Greg to use Boyz to Men!" Nick gruffed.

"Yeah," Mandy agreed chokingly.

"Don't tell anybody you saw me cry." The Texan blew his nose.

Mandy stared at him with amusement as Nick broke into a crooked smile. "Okay, lots of people have seen me cry already."

"You cried at Warrick's funeral." Mandy reminded.

"So did a lot of people."

"Me too." Mandy cleared her throat and poured another glass of Jack Daniels and another for Nick who leaned back into the couch.

"I remember once he claimed all I did was sit and look at prints all day," Mandy said, "and then you walked in and said…"

"Hey Mandy…" Nick began

"What's dandy?" They both finished and laughed heartily at the memory and looked at each other for a moment, then paused, faces flushed with the heat generated from the compounds making up the whiskey.

Their smiles slowly faded as Mandy reached and clasped his hand, his folded over hers. He felt her hands trembling as his eyes locked on hers. He bit his lips and took a deep breath.

Tension filled the air as each decided who was going to make the first move.

Aw dammit! He reached over and drew him to her.

xxXXxx

"It's pretty easy to take someone you've worked with for so many years for granted, isn't it?" Kristy asked.

"I don't take Mandy for granted," Nick said, his head snapping back at the deceased hooker.

"You did afterwards," Kristy insisted then asked blithely, "Why?"

Nick stared out at the night sky and shook his head. "I was embarrassed by what happened."

xxXXxx

He hadn't planned on kissing her. Not in the least.

But through the evening, it dawned on Nick how attractive she was. Her beautiful brown eyes were decorated by long lashes, and her hair was as soft as he thought it would be. And damn, she had the most amazing curves.

Her lips burned of Jack Daniels as his hand slid up and down her top. His ears listened for resistance and he was relieved to not hear any.

As he peppered her long neck with kisses he whispered, "I need this, Mandy. Jesus, I need this. I feel..." Longing filled him, his libido was in charge now, and all logic ceased and desisted. "I just need to feel good again."

He wasn't surprised that she didn't resist and in fact was as eager as hell.

xxXXxx

"Well of course she didn't resist, Nick. You are pretty irresistible," Kristi teased.

"We were drunk," he rationed as he wasn't laughing. "It was a one night stand."

"Not to her."

Nick turned his head at the sound of pitter patter. A Jack Russell dog ran up to him.

He reached out and the dog eagerly lapped his hand.

"I always knew dogs would be part of any Heaven I'd be in," Nick mumbled.

"This is one of the dogs killed in the dog fighting ring you worked on," Kristi explained the canine's presence. Then she turned back to matters at hand.

xxXXxx

Naked, they flopped onto the couch as he entered her in a swift motion, his arms resting around her head. Her eyes widened for a second as her fingers dug into his bicep. Her body tensed up then relaxed as he entered her slowly but determinedly, then built up momentum.

He was surprised by her passion and enthusiasm. But he'd overheard a comment she made about a lover she had with 'amazing thighs.'

Her body was pretty damn amazing…curvy, luscious, and soft. He lowered his head to latch onto a rosy nipple and sucked greedily while she ran her black-enameled fingernails through his hair. He slid a tongue along her milky skin to her generous mouth again and slid it in, trying to control hers, but it wouldn't allow him to.

Smiling, he raised his head up and grabbed the bottle of Jack Daniels.

Flushed and clammy, Mandy watched in curiosity and then delight as he poured a little on her nipple and then sucked on it. Heavenly!

"That's interesting!" she sighed.

"Yeah." The Texan then poured more Jack Daniels onto her nipples and sucked away before bringing the bottle to her lips. She eagerly opened them as he offered her more before taking a swig and setting the bottle down on the floor.

He ordered her to turn over and get on her knees while he took her from behind, savouring the feel of her generous ass against him as he slammed her over and over again until he felt her tremble and his grip on her waist went vise-like.

However, he wanted to see her come and gently maneuvered her back around and positioned himself again. Her eyes were filled with lust, her face red and clammy as he emptied himself into her with a triumphant cry before flopping down.

Words escaped his lips he wished hadn't been said before fatigue set in and they curled on the floor under a throw.

In the morning, Nick quickly dressed and left.

xxXXxx

"Yeah that was interesting!" Kristi flicked a disgruntled look at Nick who suddenly decided to focus his attention on the canine, avoiding her accusatory gaze.

"Is that the only reason you're here? To tell me what the hell I did wrong in my life?" Nick rubbed the dog's head. "I'm pretty aware of all the crap I pulled. I'm only…" He stopped and sighed heavily. "I was only human. I screwed up. I was a good person."

"No, it's what happened a day after you two made love," Kristi told him somberly. "And yes, Nick, you were a good…no...great person, but you hurt people who tried to show you love. That took away from some of the good."

xxXXxx

"So I got a print off that thumb you brought to me." Mandy kept her focus on the microscope and shoved the results at him with one hand.

Nick read them and mumbled, "Thanks." He kept his eyes averted as he had been having Greg or Riley fetch his prints from the lab tech. That is until Riley figured out what happened and told him to do it himself as she wasn't going to play gatekeeper anymore and made sure Greg or Catherine wouldn't either. She wouldn't tell them why though, not wanting to burn bridges being the newbie.

"Well, that's the most you've talked to me since…" She looked up and around, "the other night."

Still not looking at her he said, "I'm sorry about that."

Mandy's eyes widened. "You're sorry about what we did?"

"No, I…I don't know." Nick shook his head and eyed the results. Sheppard 'Shorty' Austen.

_What was a cop's print doing on this knife?_

"You said a lot of things that night indicating otherwise." Mandy's mouth pursed and she whipped her head back. "Guess it was the Jack Daniels talking."

"No, I meant what I said," Nick said as his cell phone beeped.

Saved by the bell.

xxXXxx

"Look," Nick told Kristi, "I didn't want to date anyone at work."

"Well," Kristi pondered, "not like you had a lot of options. You worked all the time and then you went home and straight to bed. You got up and did it all again. You never really gave love a chance. So what if it was at work? You could have kept it secret."

"Didn't turn out for my boss and his chick."

"Well they were kind of messed up," Kristi chuckled sardonically.

"No shit!" Nick grumbled. "And they kept it from me for so many years. Sara didn't trust me."

"Did you expect it from someone so dysfunctional?" Kristi asked, her green eyes sad. "Hey, I've been studying psychology up here, Nicky. I've learned a thing or two."

Nick sighed. "Mandy took it pretty hard as I recall. I mean she wasn't outright crying."

xxXXxx

"I think this person will know this song is for him," Mandy announced at the Christmas party as Britney Spears' _Womanizer _came on. She had asked the DJ for this one. She had already requested _So What_ by Pink and _You Oughta Know_ by Alanis Morrisette.

_Lollipop, must mistake me, you're the sucker  
To think that I would be a victim of another_

"I normally hate this chick," Riley said. "But this song is great!" She smiled. A rarity.

Nick was on his fourth beer and had been trying to find another seat all night, but the party organizer had a strict seating plan set up and he had found himself stuck at the table with Catherine, Riley, Mandy, Brass, and Wendy. Hodges had not been able to make it and Mandy had filled his seat for him. She was supposed to be off with Bobby, Archie, and Henry.

"I don't know who this guy was, Mandy," Riley told the lab tech, "but he sounds like a major man whore."

Mandy's eyes flicked toward Nick who focused on a napkin.

"Yeah, that's one way to describe him," she finally agreed.

"Oh yeah," Wendy agreed throwing a heated stare at Nick who wished the floor would open up and swallow him whole. "He is."

Catherine sighed, clueless to the hidden meaning of the conversation. "There are a lot of them out in Vegas. If they aren't when they come here, then this town makes 'em into one.

"Man whore!" Brass laughed heartily. "I like that. Man whore…ain't that funny, Nicky?"

"I'm rolling in the aisles," Nick answered flatly and jumped up and left, asking the DJ if he could then play _Stupid Girls_ by Pink, dedicating to it some ladies he worked with.

"Okay, another request from the LVPD. Seems a southern gentleman would like to dedicate _Stupid Girls_ to his colleagues. That's right, dude, make friends!" the sarcastic 18 year old guy announced.

Smiling triumphantly, Nick made his way back to the table, flicking a glare at Mandy before bidding farewell to his colleagues and walking out as Riley flipped him the bird and Catherine told him she'd be sending him to the most boring crime scene she could find.

xxXXxx

"I can't say I blame them," Kristi laughed at the childish behavior. "I mean, she wasn't trying to be anything but herself and you tossed her aside. And you were both acting like morons that night."

"I didn't toss her aside," Nick told her. "She was being stupid. Then again the song wasn't really about that."

"Well, it was a passive aggressive way of getting back at you."

Nick laughed. "You always were a smart cookie." Then he sighed. "And I was a major dumbass."

"Well, you were brilliant, but stupid in the area of love," Kristi said. "It was in front of you and you turned away from it for stupid reasons. Mostly because you were scared shitless of love."

"Yeah, I was," Nick reluctantly agreed with her. "Especially after Warrick died. I just couldn't bring myself to be close to anyone. He was my best friend and I was too busy hitting on some chick in a restaurant while he was getting shot."

Kristi grabbed his hand. "Now you see here, hun. He wanted you to stay and get that number. Remember?"

Nick bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah, he did."

"So don't ever blame yourself for what happened to Warrick, because he wanted you to find love. Or lust." Kristi beamed. "You did find it, but you ran from it because you were so focused on your career, which was great, but you allowed it to consume you."

"Well, that's my life," Nick agreed. "My career is who I am." His eyes darkened. "I mean, it was who I was."

"No, Nick Stokes is who you are," Kristi retorted. "I mean, believe it or not, I was an honour role student in high school before I...became what I was."

Nick's eyes were wide. "So why did you?"

"There are a lot of reasons why women like me become who we are," Kristi explained. "It doesn't matter why, Nick, but I really did intend to leave the profession. I wanted to be more than I was."

"You could have been," the Texan somberly said.

"I know, but now I'm here because mercy was shown on me as my soul left my body and now I'm here with you to say that Nick Stokes was more than a CSI. He was a good and loving soul who had a lot to offer, and the world was better for him." She swung her legs around and stood back up holding a hand to Nick.

Nick surveyed the neon-lit Vegas landscape. "Now, I'm gone forever. I wonder if Grissom will do my eulogy too." He looked back at her and took her hand.

"You won't know because you won't be witness to it." Kristi took his hand.

"Yeah. Guess not." Nick stood up. "Besides, I don't know if I want to know what they have to say about me."

With the Jack Rusell in tow, Nick allowed himself to be led away. Purple clouds swirled up again, catching Nick by surprise and he let out a small gasp.

"Just the boss's way of telling me my time is up," Kristi squeezed his hand assuringly, "and to let you know you'll be meeting the next person."

Tears in her eyes, she wrapped her eyes around his waist and hugged him. "Good bye Nick. I'll see your around."

"Yeah, maybe." Nick answered. She let go and backed away sadly with a wave. Clouds swirled around and she disappeared.

Grunting sounds followed as another dog appeared. A Chihuahua. Nick remembered this little guy as the one with the ripped up ear.

Tenderly he picked him up, laying him in the crook of his elbow. His clothes changed again and now he was wearing tight blue jeans with his favourite belt and polo shirt. With his other hand he felt his head. Yeah, his military hair style he kept. It was really easy to maintain.

As he strolled forward, the landscape turned into desert and a black limousine appeared.

Slowly, Nick walked toward it feeling his heart beat rapidly.

His eyes were wide with curiosity as the door opened slowly and a familiar figure stepped out wearing a black suit and shades.

Sam Braun!

Nick gaped in shock and stammered, "W-w-what the hell?!"

Braun laughed at the reaction and quipped, "Not quite!"

**a/n Thanks for the reviews.**


	3. THE SECOND PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN

THE SECOND PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN

_And in that line now was a whiskered old man, with a linen cap and a crooked nose, who waited in a place called the Stardust Band Shell to share his part of the secret of heaven: that each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one. _

_**Mitch Albom**__, __The Five People You Meet in Heaven_

_Thanks to Smokey for her edits!_

"Sam Braun!"

Nick gaped at the man before him. He'd never really known Sam Braun. Only that the casino mogul (murder suspect) gave the ransom money to Catherine when was kidnapped by Walter Gordon.

"You wanna take ride in the limo, Nick?" The old man smiled.

The Texan eyed him warily while the dog jumped out of his arms and raced up to Braun who knelt down and petted the little guy.

"What?!" Braun smiled mischievously.

Taking one step back, Nick shook his head. "No thanks."

"You worried I'm gonna kill you, Stokes?!" Sam laughed heartily. "Don't you think that's the least of your problems right now?"

Nick swallowed hard and looked at the old man distrustfully and concluded he was right. It wasn't like he was going to lose his life. He'd already lost it. What was left?

"C'mon let's go. We got some talking to do." Braun stood back up and gestured to the open door.

xxXXxx

The diner was empty save for a few patrons. A couple of local construction guys sat slurping away at hamburgers and fries, jovially talking about the latest football game.

"So, Nick, what happened with you and Mandy?" Brass asked sipping some coffee while Nick picked away at some fries.

"Nothing," he answered nonchalantly, staring out the window.

"What?" Brass asked in surprise. "The tension between you two is so thick I could carve it with my little finger."

Nick sipped his iced tea and finally spilled his guts over what happened with Mandy. He trusted Brass since he had never told anyone on the team what happened with McKeen out in the woods and that he really did mean to kill him but something stopped him at the last minute...as if his arm moved away.

Brass leaned on his hand and listened with sympathetic nods punctuating the end of each sentence. Finally the burly cop cleared his throat and asked, "Thought you didn't date at work."

"I'm not dating her."

"That's why she hates you." Brass smiled crookedly and shrugged his shoulders. "I mean, I would hate you if you slept with me and then pretended nothing happened."

"Dream on, Brass! I don't swing that way."

"I don't know...you and Greg...I wondered."

Brass chuckled as Nick grimaced and said, "Don't go there, man!"

"Look, why not date Mandy?" Brass asked. "I mean, she's a nice girl. Very pretty."

"If you feel like that, then you date her," Nick told him.

"Hey, I've checked her out. Nice legs she's got. Nice ass too." Brass sipped his coffee watching Nick closely. "Lucky shmuck! You got to see it firsthand."

For some unknown reason, Nick felt his face grow hot as Jim smirked, "I'm just shitting you, Nick. But that look said it all."

"I gotta get going," Nick mumbled as he pulled his mind out of memory-land. Mandy indeed had a glorious tush, and he did tell Doc and that dude Keppler he was an ass man.

"What's your hurry?" Brass chuckled.

"I'm on a mission," Nick answered.

He was restless because sitting for long periods of time meant he had to think about his problems. There were his losses of friends, his persona non grata status with the lab rats, his distrust of higher authorities at this moment thanks to Sheriff McKeen and this case he was working on, and thumb prints on a knife - a knife which had gone missing out of the evidence locker.

Corruption!

"Look, we'll find the knife," Brass assured him.

"How the fuck did it go missing?!" Nick griped.

"A woman scorned," Brass reminded him.

"Mandy's not like that." Nick shook his head. "And besides, she doesn't have clearance for that part of the lab."

"Not that we're aware of," Brass said. "But to make things easier for you, Nicky, I'll talk to her and all the lab staff so as not to single her out." He helped himself to Nick's abandoned fries. "Does that make you feel better?"

Smiling slightly at the detective's stroke of genius, Nick nodded. "A hell of a lot better."

"And at this point, IAB won't be involved," Brass told him. "Don't worry, we'll find it."

xxXXxx

"Corruption," Sam said as they drove along a strip of highway. "Lots of it in Vegas."

"You would know." Nick glared at the man._ What the hell did he have to say?_

"It's interesting is all I'm saying." Sam answered.

"Yeah, it's interesting," Nick retorted. "It's interesting how much corruption is the source of murder in this town."

"Well, you have a job because of it," Sam shot back.

"I'd give it up for a peaceful world."

"You would have given it up, you mean," the casino mogul reminded him of his current status.

Nick slumped back into the seat dejectedly under the sympathetic gaze of Braun's blue eyes before asking, "So why are you here?"

"Well someone had to come and teach you about the value you brought into your world."

"I feel like that guy in _It's a Wonderful Life,_" Nick laughed.

"I loved that movie," Braun sighed. "I used to watch it with Catherine when she was a little girl."

Nick smiled at this tender memory bestowed on him. "She must have been quite the kid."

"She was precocious," Braun agreed. "But grew up a little too quickly, and I wished she could have had a more normal childhood."

"Maybe it was all for the better given what a great crime fighter she turned out to be," Nick told him.

Braun's eyes widened for a moment and then he slowly nodded. "You have a good point there, Stokes. A great insight into humanity as Catherine always told me you did. She really thought the world of you. Was very impressed by how much you grew and matured over the years."

"She was good to me," Nick said. "In fact, she took it upon herself to mould me, more so than Grissom."

"Grissom is a good man," Braun said. "But he wasn't really a leader. Some of us are born to lead and some of us are simply born to exist in a particular world. Like Grissom."

"Yeah," Nick told him. "I never could please the guy until Catherine told me to give it up."

"And she was right," Braun said. "She never cared about what people thought of her. She didn't have time for it and she had no tolerance for people who practically groveled to appease their boss because she knew they weren't the type of people who went far in life. That's why she took it upon herself to make sure you stopped groveling for Grissom."

"I just wanted to please him."

"Why?"

"I guess... my dad never did give approval for what I did."

"I never approved of Catherine becoming a CSI either, but I gave up trying to dissuade her. It was much better than her taking her clothes off," Braun recalled.

"You could have given her money to live on," Nick said.

"Yes, I could have," Braun agreed. "But she would never take it. The only time she ever asked me for money was when you were kidnapped."

Nick's mouth tightened at the reminder. At the time he was told (not by Catherine, but by Sara), he remembered feeling overwhelmed with gratitude at hearing Catherine would go to such lengths to save his life.

"And that was the last time," Braun finished. "I always told Catherine I would do anything for her, and so when she asked for the ransom money I gave it to her."

"Let me ask you something," Nick inquired. "What made you what you were?"

"What do you mean? Why did I become such a greedy and power hungry casino owner?" Sam laughed for a second before his face became reflective. "Well, some of us just grow up surrounded by it and don't know better, and others grow up in such dire poverty we take on a Scarlett O'Hara perspective."

"Never go hungry again?"

"Exactly," Sam said. "But I'll leave it up to you to figure out which category I belong to." He petted the little dog's head. "And Nick, remember you were part of the clean up on corruption. If I had to go back and do it all over again, I would have gotten out of it. But once I was in it, it was hard to get out of it."

"You had a choice."

"I didn't think I did." Sam shook his head. "And really, someone was going to bring me down sooner or later. It was a matter of time."

"Like Warrick," Nick said.

"Like Warrick," Sam repeated. "Once you step into that world, you can't escape, so it's best to stay out of it."

"So Warrick should never have tried to bring down Gedda?" Nick asked him.

"No, he should have, but once he realized how far up the corruption got, maybe he could have taken more precautions, but you'll never know. Like you, he always believed in the good in people."

"Yeah, look where it got him."

"Yes, but what are we supposed to do, Nick? Walk around worrying about people trying to kill us?" Sam laughed. "I knew people were out to kill me, but I lived with the fear. It's the price I pay. We all pay a price for something. Nothing is free. Even staying on the other side of corruption has a price. It means less money, less power, less material items."

Nick laughed at the ridiculousness of Sam's claim. "You know what? I am on the right side, but I've had people try to kill me. Why?"

"Well, it just goes to show nothing is certain," Sam told him with a cavalier shrug. "And in each case, you were a pawn. One of them wanted to kill you to get revenge on the LVPD for arresting her husband and blowing her cover; one was a stalker who simply wanted to be you; and the last one...well, again you're a pawn."

"Is that all I am?"

"No. You think you're the only law enforcement official having revenge sought on you? What about your father when you were young? Remember when you were fourteen?"

Nick felt his heart pain at the memory. "You mean the biker dude who tried to kill my mother and me before I chased him off with a gun?"

"Absolutely," Sam concluded. "That was the price you paid for being crime fighters. Your life. As I said, there's a price for every path you choose."

Nick snorted. "And then my dad just lambasted me for not shooting the guy."

A sad smile spread across Sam's face. "Well, even parents make terrible mistakes with their kids and say things they shouldn't have said."

Nick smiled back. "Yeah I know. He did apologize years later."

"Hey, it's hard to admit to your kid you screwed up," Sam told him. "It took me decades to finally tell Catherine how wrong I was to her and mother."

Nick stared out the tinted windows. "I'm going to miss my parents."

"I miss Catherine," Sam lamented. "And her mother and Lindsay."

"Before I..." Nick faltered as the words seemed to stay locked in his throat, but he forced himself to move on. "Before I came here, I was on the outs with a lot of people. I was bitter over Warrick's death and distrustful of everyone because...fuck, he was killed by someone he knew."

"Isn't that usually the case?" Sam asked.

"Statistically yes," Nick answered. "But the Under Sheriff, of all people."

"So because he was in law enforcement, he shouldn't have been corrupt?"

"Yeah, ideally."

"Nothing's ever ideal, Nick," Sam told him.

xxXXxx

"Brass, just let me talk to Mandy," Nick pleaded with the detective in his office. He rethought the original plan the detective had, and decided to take it upon himself whether or not Mandy was a woman scorned.

"From what I hear, you're the last person she wants to talk to," Brass said, typing on his laptop. "But be my guest."

"Thanks," Nick nodded in relief and left the office and headed over to the print room.

Mandy sat with her chin in her hand, hand on the mouse, watching as fingerprints whizzed by on the screen.

"Mandy."

"I'm not done running your prints yet, Nick." she replied coldly.

"I know, and that's okay, but I need to talk to you about something. Something..." Nick walked over and stood beside her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Do you know the knife I brought to you?"

"Yeah, I printed and sent it back to holding."

"It's missing."

Mandy's head snapped toward him, eyes wide. "Missing?!"

"Yeah."

"I sent it back." Her lower lip trembled.

"Look, I know that things are pretty bad between us, so...did you do something to make me look bad?" Nick carefully asked, fully aware of how awful those words sounded. He wished then that the floor would open and swallow him whole.

Mandy's face was enough of an answer for him. No. She hadn't.

"You son of a bitch!" Mandy growled. "You think I would put my fucking job on the line because I had a falling out with you?!"

"I, uh, I..." Nick's shoulders slumped. "I just needed to hear you say that."

"Well, now you've heard it." Mandy's nostrils were flared, her eyes in slits. "You are not worth losing my job over, and in fact you're nothing but a piece of shit! Now get your fucking ass out of here before I knee your crotch so hard you'll never have children."

Nick backed away. Having been kneed by a woman before, he wasn't about to experience that pain again. Tail between his legs, he slunk into the hallway ready to tell Brass he didn't suspect Mandy in any way had something to do with the missing knife.

xxXXxx

"So I guess after Warrick was shot you pretty much distrusted everyone at LVPD?" Sam asked as the limo drove on.

Nick looked impassively out the window at the ongoing desert highway and shrugged. "Yep."

"Understandable."

"Mandy didn't take the knife. Whoever stabbed me did," Nick concluded. "That's why I dug my nails into my attacker to get scrapings hoping any DNA could be salvaged."

"So even in a highly stressful situation you remained coherent enough to gather evidence," Sam said, impressed.

"I just know how to compartmentalize things way. I couldn't stop the guy who stabbed me, but at least I could bring him to justice," Nick said as he looked back at Sam.

"Interesting. My daughter thought very highly of you, Nick. She didn't like how you groveled with Grissom in the beginning, and she made it her mission to smarten you up. No one ever became a leader with a history of groveling behind them."

"It was easy to stop pleasing someone who couldn't be pleased," Nick replied. "Your daughter, Catherine, she never played favorites. She wasn't the easiest boss, but she was fair."

"Yes. Favoritism doesn't work for anyone and does nothing but create strife in a team. Unfortunately, your supervisor, Grissom, never figured that one out."

"Yeah, he won't be giving me a eulogy."

Sam smiled and knocked on the window to let the driver know he wanted to stop.

xxXXxx

Mandy drove home somberly. Her heart, which had already been cracked, was now shattered by the recent attack on Nick Stokes. Hodges had come to break the news, having been one of the few people privy to her one night stand with Nick a few weeks ago.

Now, she hadn't planned on sleeping with him, but when she looked back on that night she had felt some kind of energy between them. She always thought they had a great camaraderie in the lab with the joking around and the singing.

But when she saw him at Warrick's locker, shoulders slumped, she wanted to do something…needed to do something. So she helped him with the job; two people getting a difficult task accomplished faster than had it been just one.

_After, they went over to the Dogs of Eads. A travelling Canadian group, Enter The Haggis, was playing and while neither Nick nor Mandy were huge fans of Celtic music, this band put a rock spin on old tunes making it difficult not to get up and start dancing. They vainly tried their best at jigs and reels, but failed miserably._

_The bald-headed bagpiper laughed at their wretched attempt and gave thumbs up as they sat down and ordered a jug of Budweiser._

"_Remember that commercial, Wassup?" Mandy asked with a drunken giggle._

"_Waaaasssup," Nick laughed, imitating the dudes while pouring her mug high._

"_Well, they have a new one now on You Tube," Mandy told him as she took a sip. "Only this one shows how horrible things have gone for them since Bush took over."_

"_Yeah?" Nick asked wryly._

"_And it ends with one of them watching TV, seeing Obama on it and saying Change."_

"_Democrat sponsored," Nick muttered with a glare in his eye as he sipped a mug of beer._

"_Oh, you're just ticked because McCain lost," Mandy teased._

"_Yeah, well, I don't think that much will change," Nick skirted the issue and leaned on the table staring at her in a way which made Mandy feel uncomfortable._

"_So how have you been since...?" she asked, watching him wince._

"_I've been fine. Really," Nick said. "Just doin' my job. Grissom left and well, it's up to Cat and I to run the team. It's not hard. Riley's pretty good at her job. Greg's a good worker. Dr. Langston…still trying to get a read on him, but other than that, it's good."_

"_I don't see you much around the print lab."_

"_No, I'm kind of busy with some stuff." Nick looked over at some young blonde chicks who giggled at him. He turned back to Mandy. "We had an interesting case before Grissom left. This Lady Heather wannabe was running some S&M bar."_

"_Oh yeah, I heard she was tormenting you in the interrogation room," Mandy smiled. "Accusing you of standing at attention."_

"_Yeah, well I told her a thing or two," Nick defended himself. "And no, I was not standing at attention."_

"_I didn't say you were," Mandy giggled. _

"_And I gave her as good she gave."_

"_Really?!" Mandy asked keenly. "What did you tell her?"_

_Smiling coyly, Nick leaned over, palms under the table, and said, "I told her where I come from there's a difference between fighting and fucking."_

"_Whoa!" Mandy leaned back laughing. "Good one."_

"_That shut her up," Nick said._

"_Is there a difference between fighting and fucking where you come from?" Mandy smiled devilishly._

"_Oh I'd say there is." Nick looked around and relaxed in his seat. "I'm pretty zonked. Do you wanna call it a night?"_

"_Sure," Mandy said. "But I don't think we should be driving."_

_Mandy walked into her apartment and stared around blankly. She slid off her shoes and slumped onto the couch._

_After watching the DVD and drowning their sorrows in a bottle of Jack Daniels, a few jokes were cracked and their eyes once again locked on each other. _

_As if some spirit had captured her arm, Mandy reached over and clasped Nick's hand. His fingers immediately entwined with hers and her body became boneless as he drew her near him. Her entire body was cloaked in his strength and heat. Her ears filled with his desperate breathing as she ran her hands tentatively up and down his back, fingers feeling the ridges of his spine and shoulder blades._

_Gently, they parted and he cupped her face in his hands, and any reservations waving red, warning flags at her dissolved as his lips met hers_.

xxXXxx

The limo door opened and Sam stepped out with Nick following him, still holding the dog. Instead of sunny skies there were clouds everywhere.

"Guess that means I'm about to meet person number three?" Nick looked at Sam as he leaned over and took the dog gently in his arms.

"You're right. My time with you is over," the deceased father of Catherine Willows said. "So I'll leave you with this, Nick. In your own small way, you at least are part of the reason corruption is not as bad as it could be at the LVPD."

Nick snorted impassively as Sam continued, "Let me tell you a story I used to tell Catherine when she got down and out about her job. _Once there was a wise man who used to go the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work. _

_One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, so he walked faster to catch up._

_As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean._

_He came closer still and called out. "Good morning! May I ask what is that you are doing?" The young man paused, looked, and replied, "Throwing starfish into the ocean."_

'_I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man._

_To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."_

_Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"_

_At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it back into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "I made a difference to that one!"_

Sighing Nick remarked, "My dad used to tell me that story as well."

"It's a very good story and a very good analogy to point out the difference one makes in their lives when they don't realize it. By capturing McKeen you prevented a far worse tragedy. More lives might have been lost to him because he was going to do everything in his power to protect himself. If it hadn't been for you, no one would have ever thought to have asked McKeen. But you were astute enough to know Warrick would never have rolled his window down to just anyone."

"No, he wouldn't have," Nick said.

"So in that case, Nick, you were the young man who threw the starfish back into the ocean," Sam declared as he stepped back into the limo.

"See you later!" Braun waved and added, "Maybe."

The doors closed and the limousine rolled off into the purple, green, and red clouds that swirled around him.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath Nick awaited the next visitor.

It wasn't a long wait.

A growl drew him from his reverie as he looked down and saw a large, black Rottweiler standing next to him. The dog licked Nick's fingers and whined a bit and cast his brown eyes up at Nick reassuringly.

Glancing down at himself, Nick saw that he was dressed in blue jeans, black leather boots, and a black t-shirt.

His breath drew short as he looked at his arms and noticed large, red bumps on them. A gun appeared in his hand.

"What the…?"

"Hello Nick," a woman's voice said.

Nick looked up and felt his chest close in tightly as the bumps itched and his hand shook.

Kelly Gordon!

**A/N**

**The Starfish Story was is adapted from The Star Thrower by Loren Eiseley, 1907-1977**


	4. THE THIRD PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN

THE THIRD PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN

_**Holding anger is a poison...It eats you from inside...We think that by hating someone we hurt them...But hatred is a curved blade...and the harm we do to others...we also do to ourselves**_

_**Some people think of Heaven as a Garden of Eden...But what is scenery without solace?**_

_**From The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albon**_

_**Thanks Smokey.**_

Clouds of purple, green, and blue grew grey and whirled around as Nick took stock of the third person he was to meet in Heaven.

_This had to be a joke! _

"Kelly Gordon!"

Nick took one step back and held up his gun and pressed on the trigger. He realized now the silliness of it all. He was dead. But the sight of Kelly Gordon still freaked him out.

_What the hell was she doing here?_

She smiled sadly, that same sad smile she gave him when she visited the police station shortly before her suicide.

"You don't have anything to be afraid of, Nick."

"Yeah I do," Nick answered sharply. "This is supposed to be Heaven, not Hell."

"You're not quite there yet," Kelly explained. "Remember there are five people you are to meet. I'm number three." She held up three fingers to emphasize the point.

"Why you?" Nick asked and looked up at some unknown being. "Is this your idea of a joke? 'Cause it ain't funny!"

"It's not a joke, Nick." Kelly stepped toward him, but the dog growled and she stopped.

"Sure as hell feels like it." Nick took his finger off the trigger. "You knew what he was going to do? Your father. You told me so before you died right in front of my eyes, and you know I had that image of you in my head for a long time after that, Kelly, as if I needed that among all the other crap that's happened in my life. What your dad did to me..." He took a deep breath to regain composure. "I had nightmares right up to the day...I..." He stopped short and then finally said the word he had to say more for himself, "The day I died."

Kelly looked at him and nodded. "I know." Her eyes were full of sympathy.

Nick felt himself crumbling. "I'm dead. I'm gone." He looked at her. "I'm really gone."

After placing his gun back into the holder, he crouched down and rubbed the dog's head. The canine whined a bit and licked his face, particularly his tears. "I didn't want go yet. I wanted to live. I had so much left to do. I never even got married. I never had kids. I never got a chance to say goodbye to all the people I loved. It's not fair." Nick looked up with a deep frown toward the sky. "Why didn't you at least give me a chance to say goodbye? Or in the least, tell the people I hurt I'm sorry. Was my death my punishment or something? I mean I believe in the death penalty, but you kind of took it a little too far, man, woman, or whatever you are up there. Or are you even listening to me, the power that be?"

No answer.

"If it's any consolation to you, Nick, it gets easier from here," Kelly told him.

"Hope so," Nick mumbled. "It was hell on earth before I left."

xxXXxx

"_Mandy, I need this so damn bad. I need to feel good again."_

_Shivers ebbed their way through her veins and arteries straight down to her Netherlands as she felt his hands sliding her down her face onto her neck and down across her top. His fingers made their way down the bottom of her tunic top and gathered the fabric. He eased the shirt up and over her head._

Mandy jumped at the sound of the knocking on her door. Sliding off the couch she dashed over and peeked through the peephole and then felt a knot in her stomach.

Catherine Willows was standing outside along with Riley Adams.

She opened her door and they stared at one another. It didn't go unnoticed by the lab tech that they were carrying their crime kits.

"So I guess I'm a suspect?" Mandy asked.

The two women looked at her and she nodded. "Fine, whatever!"

Mandy allowed them in, closing the door behind them, and invited them to have a seat on the couch. She sat down on the coffee table across from them and waited for their questions.

Catherine folded her hands together. "Detective Brass told us what happened with you and Nick a few weeks ago."

"Guess that explains the song choices at the party?" Riley asked with a raised eyebrow.

Mandy cleared her throat. "Yeah."

"Look, Mandy," Catherine said, "I'm quite certain you're not involved in this in anyway, but we have to rule everyone out. You're not the only one who is on the list."

"If it makes you feel better, we talked with Hodges first," Riley told her with a small smile. The know-it-all lab tech and Nick had a pretty intense relationship over the years.

Mandy stared impassively at Riley before answering, "Not really."

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Catherine asked.

"Does Riley have to be here?" Mandy asked. "No offense, but I don't know you very well."

"I know you don't," Riley answered. "But I'm not a gossip, and nothing shocks me, other than Nick sleeping with anyone in the lab given what a prude he was at the S&M crime scene."

"Mandy, just tell us what happened and the fall out," Catherine insisted, clasping her hands on her knees. "I know it's a tad embarrassing, but we can at least figure out what to do from here."

"I didn't stab him," Mandy insisted.

"I'm confident you didn't, Mandy," Catherine said. "But we have to rule out everyone at this point."

Mandy's shoulders drooped as she took a deep breath and began to spill out the details.

xxXXxx

The clouds cleared around them and before Nick was a sea of green foliage. It was as if he was transported into the Garden of Eden.

"This is the nursery I worked in," Kelly told him with an sardonic grin. Even when Kelly smiled there was a hard edge to her, a grittiness born of torturous years in a jail with abusive cell mates.

"And the one I was buried in," Nick quipped. "There's an irony here someone is trying to communicate to me."

Kelly looked up at him. "Guess the guy upstairs felt it was the appropriate place."

Nick stood behind the Rottweiler whose muscle-bound black body provided a steady barrier between the CSI and Kelly.

"I'm surprised you're even here," said Nick. "Pretty incongruous if you ask me."

"Really?" Kelly asked and continued, "So in your perspective, I shouldn't be here."

"You murdered someone," Nick said. "That's a pretty big sin. One of the top ones, I believe."

"Well," Kelly shrugged, "I guess someone took pity on me and here I am." Her eyes grew icy. "If it makes you feel better, Nick, my dad isn't here."

"Glad to hear it," Nick said and then scratched at his arms. "Guess the guy upstairs wanted you to see what your dad did to me. " He spread his arms wide. "This is how I looked when they pulled me out."

Kelly stared at his arms and nodded. "Pretty bad. Guess he didn't take the red ants into account when making his decision."

"You knew he was going to do it, didn't you?" Nick accused again her as his instinct had always told him she had some sort of knowledge of her father's plan.

"I told you before I died. The ransom was Sylvia's idea," Kelly explained. "My dad was desperate and followed her cue. " She looked away. "Sylvia's not here either."

"Glad to hear it."

xxXXxx

_Mandy slid her lab coat __on __and headed out the door of the locker room__, walking__ smack dab into none other than Nick. It had been over 12 hours since they __had __slept together. His cologne __triggered__ her, but she held her ground. _

"_Hi," __s__he said. Her heart began to beat rapidly._

"_Hi." His eyes were wide and nervous looking._

_They stared at each nervously before Nick mumbled, "S'cuse me," __a__nd slid past her into the locker room._

_Mandy watched after him and noticed his hands were trembling as he fiddled with the lock__. She__ wanted to ask the usual five Ws after a one night __stand __of who, what, when, why, and where. But only one question would be appropriate here._

_Why?_

_Instead her nerves failed her and she turned around and walked out of the locker room. _

_After all, he had left that morning without a word to her and nothing followed after that. She wasn't stupid__. S__he'd been there before. Only this time it was with someone she cared about and therefore the expectant behaviour on Nick's part had more serious ramifications._

_He broke her heart._

"So Nick behaved like a jerk," Riley said.

"Yeah," Mandy nodded.

"And you expected him to behave otherwise?" Riley asked with a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

Catherine looked at Riley. "You haven't worked with us long enough to know Nick Stokes."

"But I've been around the block and this is typical for guys, even him." Riley wrote down some notes and paused to say, "Why should Nick Stokes behave differently than other guys. From what I've heard he's a genuine playboy and a player."

"Was a player, but he mellowed over the years," Catherine said, her voice sharp.

"Well, he certainly made me feel like crap," Mandy piped up, causing the two women to look toward her. She was rather grateful for Riley's objective opinion of Nick but expected Catherine to be more protective of the guy.

"Are you leading the case, Riley?" the lab tech asked.

"I was asked by Ecklie to because I'm the newest one on the team and would be the most objective," Riley told her. "And everyone is on the list of suspects, Mandy, not just you."

"I don't care if you investigate me," Mandy said blankly. "If you wanna alibi, I was sitting on the rooftop with Bobby Dawson. We were just talking."

"How long were you two up there?" Riley asked.

"About a half an hour, from 11:00 a.m. to 11:30," Mandy responded.

Riley asked, "Do you have any idea who may have done this?"

"All I know is Nick came and asked me if I had anything to do with a missing knife from a crime scene. I told him no. He accused me of hiding it out of spite, and I told him to fuck off and that's the last time I saw him," Mandy explained.

"The knife used to stab Nick was the same one that went missing," Catherine told her while jotting notes onto a yellow legal pad. "We're suspecting whoever did this was the same person who stole the knife."

"Inside job?" Mandy asked.

"Most likely," Riley answered. "This is why everyone is a suspect."

"IAB involved?" the lab tech asked.

"Yes," Catherine answered. "But they are nice enough to let us lead the case. Or Riley." She flicked her eyes over at the younger woman.

"Luck you," Mandy said sarcastically.

Riley shrugged. "Only because I hardly know the parties involved."

Defiantly, Mandy folded her arms and choked back a sob. "I don't care what happens now, so go ahead and investigate me all you want."

She watched as Riley's face softened with commiseration

Catherine leaned over and swept her into a hug. "If you need to talk, just call me on my cell."

Tears slid down Mandy's cheeks as she nodded. "Thanks, I might take you up on it."

Riley and Catherine stood up and told her they'd see themselves out and encouraged her to hang in there.

After they left, Mandy laid down on the couch and held a pillow close to her, hoping she could still smell him.

xxXXxx

"So why are you the third person I meet in Heaven?" asked Nick, standing closely to the growling Rottweiler. Rottweilers are known for being fiercely protective of their masters. Obviously someone or something chose this dog for this particular meeting.

"_Someone's always looking out for us, Nick," Warrick once told him. "My grandmother always told me that."_

"It's because this is more about my redemption. Somehow the guy upstairs has decided that it's okay for me to leave Limbo, but first I have to face up to the effects of what my father did and the effects it had on you," Kelly answered flatly.

"But you're not responsible for what he did."

"But my father never felt any regret over what he did. Not even until the moment he got blown up," Kelly explained. "I, on the other hand, was regretful for what happened to you."

"Really?" Nick retorted. "Enough to kill someone?"

"She had it coming!" Kelly's face became incensed.

Dark clouds rolled across the sky and thunder clapped, causing them both to jump while the dog barked ferociously at Kelly.

Nick looked up at the sky with a curious stare, wondering if he was some extra in a Charlton Heston movie. "Someone didn't like that answer." He gazed back at her in amusement.

Kelly nodded in agreement and shifted gears. "You came to see me in prison. Why?"

"I needed to put a face to the crime," Nick told her. "Your father was dead. I was hoping you could explain why he did what he did?"

"You wanted an apology?" Kelly asked.

"It would have been nice. It wasn't up to you, but your dad did what he did because he loved you..." Nick's voice trailed off as he scoped Kelly's sudden explosive reaction.

She clamped her hands over ears. "That's what pissed me off, Nick! You had to find some fucking good in what he did? That's what I hated about you. You are so good. You are so full of goodness it oozed out of you. And I couldn't deal with that after the inhumanity of what I experienced in prison." She turned around and stared back at Nick.

He looked down at himself and noticed the ant bites slowly disappearing. "I'm not good, Kelly. I'm not a saint. You don't know how much your father's kidnapping of me affected me. I changed after that, you know?" His eyes focused on hers. "In some ways for the better and in some ways for the worst. I lost a lot of faith in people, faith in society. But at the same time, I became a more empathetic person for it, especially towards crime victims such as one little girl named Cassie whose family was murdered. "

Kelly listened attentively and the tightness in her body relaxed.

"Glad to hear that. At least something good came out of it."

"That's why, Kelly, I told you not to take it with you." Nick stepped forward while the dog pressed closely against his leg, his wet nose nuzzling Nick's hand. "Because bitterness got you nowhere, did it?"

Tears slid down her cheeks as Kelly shook her head. No.

"So why did you kill yourself?" Nick asked, even though he knew the answer.

"I wasn't going back there, Nick," Kelly explained through choked sobs that demonstrated clearly the viciousness of the abuse she endured in her jail cell.

"You know I told you not to take it with you for a reason." Nick swallowed. "Resentment and anger got you nowhere. I know you wanted someone to pay for what they did to you, and trust me I know the feeling. I'm not all good, Kelly. Before I came here I had heaps and heaps of rage in me. I nearly killed someone myself."

Kelly's sobs came to an immediate halt at the confession. "You?!"

"Yeah me!" Nick answered with a sniff. "My friend, Warrick's, killer. When I caught that guy, he was taunting me, telling me to shoot him. He just wanted to get out of being arrested and he knew Warrick and I were best friends. So he laid there just begging me, pressing my buttons. And I pressed the trigger."

Kelly's eyes were wide with shocked as she listened intently.

"But I missed."

Kelly let a deep breath. "So even you..."

"Had my share of pain that drove me to the edge, but I always managed to pull back...although that last time I..." He faltered. "I caved in and pulled the trigger, but I missed. And I wasn't so sure if I missed deliberately or some sort of fate intervened," he said with a weary sigh. "I guess I'll never know."

"Jail would have been horrible for you, Nick. A former CSI in jail with a bunch of criminals; you wouldn't have lasted a day."

"I would have been someone's bitch," Nick agreed with a crooked smile.

"It doesn't take long for it to happen," Kelly said. "It's a way to assert power and control."

"I know," Nick said. "I know all about it, Kelly. I know all about how sex can be used to control and dominate people."

She stared at him, confused, and he held up his hand. "But that's not important."

They stared around their surroundings a bit before Nick turned to her again. "You know, Kelly, it wasn't your fault for what your dad did. Hell! It wasn't even his fault." Kelly stared at him quizzically upon hearing this. "It was whoever put you in jail originally. It was a pretty shoddy case. A cup with DNA on it didn't mean anything if you ask me. I wish your dad had found a way to...get the charges dropped."

"Maybe you should have been the CSI on the original case," Kelly sniffed. "Maybe I would have never gone to jail and none of that would have ever happened."

"I probably would have dug deeper. I'm known for it." Nick returned her smile, and then it faded. "I was known for it."

Kelly stepped a bit closer to him. "The bites are fading."

Nick scoped his arms. Indeed they were. The two of them watched as the red blotches faded before their eyes - from angry red welts to light pink to Nick's original skin tone.

"I'm sorry, Nick, for what my dad did to you," Kelly said. "You are right. I don't need to be sorry, but I want to say it because deep down under all that hatred and bitterness, I felt very bad for you."

"We were both victims," Nick reminded her. "Victims of your dad's plan, victims of a crappy CSI, victims of Sylvia Mullins. In fact, I don't think your dad would even be driven to kidnap me had that woman not siphoned his money off to the Cayman Islands. She was the real criminal in all this."

"She was there, you know," Kelly told him, her voice tight, "right in the vehicle."

Nick blew out a breath and shook his head. "That explains why I heard someone walking around the back. I thought I could escape if I kicked them in the gonads and ran off, but then someone reached around and put the cloth over my face and I was out again."

Kelly listened again intently as if hearing his story cleared questions in her own mind.

"Then I woke up again and hit my head on the coffin and I didn't know what was going on at first. It took a few minutes," Nick rambled. "Then I listened to a tape your dad made for me and he told me I was gonna die there and I freaked. I was trapped and I couldn't get out."

He chuckled at the memory and continued, "You know I pushed up on the lid because I thought with all the weight training I'd been getting I could push it up. I was hell bound and determined to get out of there, but I couldn't."

Kelly folded her arms and looked down.

"When the air supply ran out," Nick said, his voice breaking, "I put my gun under my chin because I figured it would be better to eat my gun than to suffocate. But just as I was about to pull the trigger lights flashed in my face and there was Warrick looking down on me telling me to put the gun down."

"This was the man whose murderer you wanted to shoot?" she asked.

"Yeah, he was murdered by the Under Sheriff of all people," Nick explained. "That's why I understand to some degree the resentment your father had toward the justice system, because believe me, it's got a lot of things wrong with it - lot of good stuff, but a lot of bad stuff."

Kelly looked down and prodded some dirt with her shoe. "Because some of the worst kinds of criminals work for the system, Nick. They're not all like you or your friend Warrick."

Clasping a hand over his mouth, Nick fought back a sudden surge of tears. "I miss him, Kelly. I really miss him."

Kelly reached over and under the guise of the dog tentatively touched Nick's shoulder and said, "I know it really sucks to lose someone who you cared about." She pulled her hand back as the dog growled.

"Why was Warrick murdered?" Nick asked her even though she was probably the last person he should be asking that question.

"I don't know. Had the bad luck to be on the wrong side of the Under Sheriff?" Kelly told him. "Just like you had the bad luck to be in the wrong place the night my dad went ahead with his plan to kidnap a CSI."

"Yeah, it wasn't personal," Nick surmised. "Well, in Warrick's case it was."

"In your case, it wasn't," Kelly said. "It was just happenstance."

Nick nodded and looked straight at her. "You know, Warrick and I flipped a coin for that crime scene your dad set up."

Kelly raised her eyebrows. "So it could have easily been him and not you."

"Yeah." Nick laughed and looked around the nursery. "So you were studying horticulture before your arrest."

She looked around at the greenery and foliage that surrounded them. "Yeah, I was."

"Wow." Nick placed his hands on his hips. "Growing things in a desert took talent."

"I was very good at what I did. Then I met the jackass who had me jailed."

"That sucks," said Nick.

"Yeah, it did. He wasn't worth going to jail for."

"Nobody is."

"That's for sure," Kelly said with a shake of her head. "He ruined my life - all of it!"

Nick stepped a little closer to Kelly and gestured to her. "So show me around the nursery."

Kelly looked up in shock at him and then both of them glanced at his arm.

The ant bites were gone.

As were the clouds in the sky as the sun peered through and birds began to sing. The dog barked happily, staying especially close to Nick.

Kelly looked warmly at Nick and folded her arms. "I'd like that."

As they walked on through rows of flower beds, Nick said, "You know, Kelly, I was never a saint. I ticked a lot of people off before I died. I was a real jerk to a woman."

A stone bench appeared before them.

"Well, I'm sure by now she's forgiven you," Kelly answered. "Death does that to people."

"I hope she has," Nick said. "I hope you're right."

xxXXxx

Mandy curled into a fetal position on the couch, hoping there was some smidgen or trace of Nick still left on the couch.

She was glad Riley and Catherine left, and she had no worries about being a suspect. Bobby Dawson had called to check up on her before they left, and she handed the phone to Riley and the gun guy confirmed her story, going so far as to suggest they talk to Ecklie, as the supervisor had given him shit for being late from his break.

But Mandy didn't care. She was in too much grief. Her heart wept with guilt and she soothed herself with a memory.

_On the couch, his body covered hers, cloaked her. Her world became engulfed in lust and desire as she felt herself stretched when he entered her. Her fingers dug into __his __shoulders as she whimpered. His mouth covered hers as his hands slid under her shoulder blades._

_He slammed her into the couch over and over__. A__ warm, heavy feeling accompanied each thrust. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. His grunts and moans __were__ music to her ears as she boldly planted both hands on his ass._

_The first wave hit her hard, and she cried out into his shoulder as her body suspended itself._

_It was not long after her muscles relaxed __that__ she found herself flipped over. Her body was not her own anymore__. I__t belonged to him._

_Grabbing the arm of the couch, she braced herself and was rewarded as he entered her again with a furious determination. The smell of __the __Jack Daniels he'd poured on her breasts filled her nose. She gripped the arm tighter, wondering if she was going to be launched off the couch._

_Somehow she was on her back again__. H__is mouth covered hers. She ran her fingers through his sweaty scalp as his head lolled back as he emptied himself. Hot juices filled her, much to her delight._

_Through gasps she heard him say, "Jesus, I always wanted to do this with __you__. I've wanted you for __so __long I __can't__ remember."_

_Stunned by these words she asked, "Why didn't you say anything to me before__?__"_

"_I don't know." He raised his head. Sweat coated his forehead. "Doesn't matter now, I'm with you now."_

_She smiled up at him and stroked his face, tracing his lips. "Damn straight. You got me now."_

_Huffing, he grinned at her and they shared some tender kisses before crawling down onto the floor and snuggling under an afghan she had thrown over the back__ of the couch__._

_The next morning when Mandy woke up she turned over merrily and expected him to be there._

_He was gone._

_She tried his cell phone. No answer. And __she __left it at that. _

_When she arrived at the lab, he simply nodded at her and handed her some gloves, looking for prints. She nodded, all professional._

_But days and days passed and he kept his distance. And she simply followed suit as she had her pride and self respect. She never begged for anyone to be with her and wasn't about to._

_Something nagged at Mandy too. A daily ritual which ensured her foray into the world of all things maternal __would __be prevented had been sadly __overlooked__ for at least five days._

_A trip the pharmacy for a backup plan proved fruitless as the creepy old man behind the counter declared his right not to sell such products. Other pharmacies about were in agreement with the stance._

Mandy hoped it wouldn't come to anything and cursed herself for not having back up plans. What the hell was she thinking? She wasn't. She was drunk on beer, whiskey, and him. Nick, himself, was a damn tonic sold by some travelling salesman for lonely woman in their 30s.

Not that she had trouble scoring guys. She certainly didn't. But she had a certain person in mind for a mate and thought she'd found it.

She'd been had. The travelling salesman sold her a botched tonic.

She'd thought about saying something to Nick, but given his feline aloofness towards her (Nick always reminded her of a sleek black panther) she'd decided whatever happened she'd deal with it privately. She had time to make a decision.

Now it looked like she'd have to deal with it alone.

xxXXxx

Nick and Kelly sat on a stone bench overlooking some purple Echinacea standing row by row. A gentle breeze whispered through the trees as robins and chickadees chattered about.

"So is this your version of Heaven?" he asked her.

"It will be after I'm done with my meeting with you," she answered with a relieved smile as a voice whispered to both of them the meeting was successful and Kelly was redeemed.

"I'm glad to hear it," Nick told her, and he was. It was tragic, however, that out of the three involved in his kidnapping, she was the one who bore the guilt. It wasn't fair. She was stuck behind prison walls at the time the plot was being hatched.

"What do you think your version of Heaven is going to be like?" she asked.

Nick pondered the question and answered, "I don't know. I hope it's more peaceful than my life was. I'm sure dogs are a part of it...and birds. Maybe a huge football field for me to play with some deceased football stars." He smiled at the thought. "I hope I see some of my family, some uncles and aunts who passed on."

"I hope I see my mother," Kelly said as she stared ahead with a sad, wistful look, yet hope seemed to be cracking the surface.

"How long was she gone before..."

"Before I died? A long time," Kelly answered and then rose to her feet as clouds appeared. "It's time for you to go, Nick."

He stood up. "Yeah, it looks like I'm going off to meet with person number 4."

Instead of Kelly walking away, however, Nick followed the purple mist clouds.

The dog stayed behind with Kelly.

"Thank you, Nick!" Kelly called after him.

He turned and watched as for the first time since he met her she looked hopeful.

"Thank you, Kelly." Nick waved back and then followed the clouds as voices whispered to him. Strange words. He couldn't make them out. It was as if someone was calling to him, begging him. His ears perked, then the voices were gone as the clouds cleared and once again he was standing in a desert near a lonely gas station with a giant size American flag overlooking it.

Déjà vu took a hold of Nick as he took full stock of his clothing to discover what new look - or previous style choice - had been bestowed on him. A coolness teased his scalp and he reached up and felt for its cause - his buzz cut.

Then he looked down at his attire - jeans and a CSI vest with a t-shirt.

"That's peculiar," Nick observed.

A German Sheppard marched up to him. Its ears perked as he carefully sniffed Nick's hand and then stood back and barked. A friendly, inquisitive bark.

"So who are you to protect me from?"

"Nobody. He's my dog," an unfamiliar voice answered.

Nick whipped around at the sound of the voice as a young man with brown hair and brown eyes, dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt with dog tags appeared.

"Do I know you?" Nick asked.

The man smiled. "Not personally, but I know you took good care of my wife after I was stabbed."

Nick studied the young man and it dawned on him who he was.

"You're Jack May," he answered. "The soldier who..."

"The soldier who came back from Iraq only to be stabbed to death by a druggie." He reached his hand out and Nick shook it vigorously.

They stared at one another for a moment before Nick asked, "So why are you the next person I'm going to meet in Heaven?"

Jack smiled. "Let's go for a walk and I'll explain it all to you."

_A/N: Reviews are very much appreciated. I know this story is different, but trust me there will be some on-edge moments coming later. I've hinted at a few._


	5. THE FOURTH PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN

THE FOURTH PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN

_Strangers are family you have yet to come to know. _

_Mitch Albom_

Jack May stood before him dressed in army pants and a white cotton t-shirt, dog tags hanging down, gleaming in the sun. He looked very much alive unilke when Nick investigated his murder.

It was very strange seeing a DB standing before you, seemingly alive. But he wasn't, nor was Nick himself.

"So what I don't understand," Nick said, "is why you are the fourth person I meet in Heaven?"

"Guess the person upstairs felt I had something to teach you."

Nick shrugged and said, "So teach."

Jack laughed heartily and gestured to him. "Let's go walking, Mr. Stokes."

"You can call me Nick."

"Okay, Nick, you can call me Jack."

The dog trotted on ahead of them, tail bopping behind him.

"I like German Shepherds," Jack told him.

"Yeah, they're great dogs, "Nick agreed and added, "I was thinking of going into training some of the new recruits in the K9 units."

"Sounds like something interesting."

"Guess it's not happening now."

xxXXxx

Mandy pressed the ice pack tight against her pelvis and grimaced. Whenever she was stressed, her Endometriosis would flare up. Birth control pills helped shrink endometrial tissue, so missing a few days was a bad choice on her part, and painful menstrual cramps served as a reminder to be more diligent.

_And here you were worrying about going down the mommy trail; last time you heard, infertility rates for women with Endometriosis was about 20 to 40 per cent._

She popped some Advil gel tabs and continued on with the task of searching for a print off the knife used to stab Nick. Pain or pain, she was determined to find something. Wendy concluded that the DNA from the blood found on the knife belonged to Nick. When his face appeared on the screen, it was a bittersweet moment - right knife, last person in the world who should have been attacked by it - if any.

Like Warrick Brown - last person in the world who should have been shot dead.

Thinking about Warrick Brown made Mandy's heart ache. God she missed the guy. She missed his big goofy grin when he strolled into the print lab calling for Ms. Webster. Oh yeah, they'd had their battles, but he always made her day with his friendly mirth and a wisecrack.

Shortly before he died, he caught her staring longingly after Nick and leaned over and said, "You know my buddy there, well...he needs a girl, but not just any girl. He needs the full package...a good looking brunette who can outsmart him on any occasion and can go as far as making the man sing for his print results."

Mandy snorted. "Well, I'll keep my eye out for her."

Warrick put his arm around her. "Hey! I see the way you look at him. Just go for it."

"I'm not his type," Mandy told him while staring at the screen looking for prints.

"You don't even know what his type is," Warrick groaned. "He just wants a nice girl is all."

Mandy turned her head and looked at Warrick. "I'm nice." And then she added, "Most of the time."

"Can you cook?"

"I'm okay," Mandy answered. "I can make a mean Sheppard's Pie."

"Well, that's a start. You like movies?"

"Love movies!" Her eyes gleamed.

"He loves movies too."

Then Warrick leaned over. "Go ask him to a movie."

Nick wandered back in muttering about back up in the DNA lab and saw Warrick with his arm around her. "Sorry I'm interrupting."

Warrick pulled his arm away. "No, not at all." Nick raised an eyebrow in suspicion...or was it envy?

But then Warrick switched gears. "Hey Bro, you know those free movie passes? Well, I can't go, but Mandy here is a movie buff."

Nick looked over at her, bemused, and did not believe his friend for one moment but went along with the plan. "Really? Would you like to come with me then, Dandy Mandy?"

She beamed. "Yeah, I'd like that."

"Okay, I'll pick you up at 6:30 tomorrow night." He flashed a 400 watt grin and bid her farewell.

Mandy smiled at Warrick. "Thank you."

"I think you'd be good for him, Mandy. He doesn't need a girl who melts every time he comes around."

"Oh I melt," Mandy chuckled, "just not in his hands. Well, maybe tomorrow night I will."

Warrick patted her shoulder with a jovial laugh and went on his way.

As she twisted the brush around by the handle, she noticed something and took a deep breath. It was a very tiny partial...a thumb, a finger...hard to say.

"Got anything?" Riley asked as she walked in.

Mandy looked up and nodded. "One, teeny weeny partial."

Riley's eyes lit up with hope. "Can I stay here until something comes up?"

"No problem," Mandy answered. "Long as you don't kick me out."

"Why would I do that?" Riley asked, confused.

"It's been done."

xxXXxx

"Okay, I'm confused," Nick said as they walked along the desert road.

"Why I'm the fourth person you meet in Heaven?" Jack asked.

"Yeah," Nick answered. "That's my confusion, but then I've been confused ever since I got here. I thought death was when you finally understood the meaning of life, but now I don't get it."

"Well, I guess the person upstairs wants me to explain to you how you were a hero in your life. An unsung one, but you were one."

"Yeah, sure," Nick sniffed.

"Hey! I know sometimes when you're in the trenches it's hard to believe," Jack said. "But as hard as it was to tell my wife why I was murdered, you told her the truth and at least she could go on and build a new life for herself."

A moment's pause followed as Nick contemplated Jack's words. It had not been easy, and it was one of the few times he had to go to see Grissom for advice on how to deal with a victim's family, which was out of the norm given he was seen as the most empathetic member of the team. However, it was one of those moments where logic overruled empathy, and Grissom was the man with the advice and he simply told Nick to tell her the truth.

And he did. It was one of those days he honestly wanted to leave his job.

"It was hard to tell my wife the truth?"

Nick sighed. "Well, it's always hard to tell the victim's family why their loved one died, especially when it's a random act, although there's never a reason or anyone to kill another person, other than self-defence."

"Yes, but as I said, the truth was the best route and it made you a hero."

"A hero?" Nick was confused. "I'm a hero because I told a mother of a baby her husband was murdered for no damn reason? A drug dealer who went ape shit and stabbed the first person he saw."

"You're a hero because you solved my case, and while the answer didn't bring me back, my wife was able to move on once the grief made its journey through her system."

Nick shook his head unconvinced. "No, you were the hero. You went over to a country in disarray and tried to help."

"Yeah, I did. But if someone had to die, if someone had to be stabbed, it was better me than my family."

"It should not have been anyone," Nick told him.

"That's why we had people like you."

"Yeah!" Nick smirked. "A lot of good I did. I couldn't even be there for my friend when he was stabbed in an alley."

"It wasn't your place to be," Jack told him.

Nick's forehead creased with bewilderment, but he decided to move on to another matter as Heaven had become more about questions than answers.

"Do you ever see your family?" Nick asked.

"All the time," Jack answered proudly. "I watch my girls every day. That's my version of heaven."

"What if your wife remarries?"

"Then I'll still watch over them to make sure he's treating them right."

"So you get to still see the people you love when you're in heaven?" Nick asked. "All the people you loved and cared about?"

"If you want to," Jack answered. "Heaven is whatever you want it to be, Nick Stokes. You can watch your loved ones, play football, baseball, you can fly a plane, go on a safari, play instruments you never got to play while alive."

"So why do I get to go Heaven and others don't?" Nick asked. "It's not like I lived a perfect life. I wasn't a saint, far from it. Everyone in the lab thought I was a player and playboy, and I didn't exactly quash the rumours."

"Nobody's perfect, Nick, but I guess whoever is in charge decides based on a ratio of how much good versus bad."

"I think it's even for me."

"Oh, I don't think so, Nick, or you wouldn't be here," Jack told him. "Lots of people don't get in."

Nick lifted his head and narrowed his eyes. "What about my friend Warrick?"

"You'll have to see for yourself," Jack explained. "If you want to see him, you'll see him."

"I didn't want to be here in the first place," Nick mourned. "I want my life back. I...never had a chance to do all the things I wanted to do. Hell, I never even hit the big 4-0 and had my mid-life crisis and went and bought a sports car, and I never even got to travel or..." He wiped his quivering mouth, "...see one of my sister's first baby..." He smiled. "She's doing it on her own...didn't wait for Mr. Right, just went off and somehow got pregnant ,and I was going to be the legal guardian if anything happened to the baby." He cast a gloomy gaze down the deserted black highway. "I'm never going to get the chance, not now, not ever."

"Sometimes the decision is made for us," Jack told him, "and you can still watch over your loved ones and protect them as much as possible. You can still be a hero while in Heaven."

"I'd rather be a ghost so I can haunt Hodges in the crime lab. Move his evidence around," Nick said, his face breaking into a roguish smirk.

"Well, if you want to. I'm sure it would be fine," Jack told him. "Primarily, Nick, you'll find peace in your death as do we all."

Nick wasn't so sure but instead answered, "What a coincidence! We both died from stab wounds."

"How did it happen to you?"

"I walked into the morgue." Nick stood and stared at the desert sun blazing orange as he told Jack what happened.

"I never saw it coming," he finished and looked at the soldier, his face grave.

"Yeah, that's how it was for me. This guy came out of nowhere trying to take my wallet, waving a knife around, and then I felt pain.

Nick's attention caught onto the word pain. "I didn't feel the pain right away, but when I did, it consumed me."

"Oh yeah, and then I heard my wife calling me."

"Yeah, I just heard my friends calling me."

"And..then..."

At the same time they both finished with, "Nothing."

Nick cleared his throat. "From what I saw, you tried to fight him."

"I did. I tried to reason with him. Hell he could have just taken my wallet. I didn't care," Jack recalled. "The guy was nuts. I was afraid for my wife, for my baby." He laughed. "I got to say, I'd rather it be me up here than one of them or both of them."

Nick nodded heavily. "Yeah, you got a point there." Then he looked at the sun again. "After I was stabbed...I tried to hang on. I really did," Nick said. "I didn't want to go, but ..." His voice trailed off and he mumbled. "I wasn't ready to go yet."

"I don't think anyone is ready to go, Nick, but when your number gets called, well, you gotta check in." Jack patted his shoulder. "It's not up to you."

Nick turned and looked at him, his expression regretful. "Even if you didn't get a chance to make peace with everyone? The ones you hurt before your number was called?"

xxXXxx

"So are you going to keep ignoring me?" Mandy asked Nick in the locker room.

"I'm not ignoring you." Nick slid his vest on, eyes focused on Warrick's name tag he had hung with a magnet on the inside of the door. "I'm just busy." He avoided her gaze.

"I'm not stalking you, Nick," Mandy said. "I just want to know what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong. I was wrong."

"So the things you said to me were lies." Mandy's voice cracked and he heard her sigh heavily. "Whatever. I'm the idiot here. You'd think by now I'd know better, but I guess I didn't. Or, maybe it's because it was you."

"It's not you. This is about me and just a bunch of stuff is all." Nick brain sought for a better explanation. There wasn't any.

Mandy had made a big mistake. She somehow found a place in his heart, but his heart didn't want anyone else in there because it had been ripped apart too many times of late. His soul echoed his heart's position on the matter. Nobody was allowed into his life, his being, or his world. Not now, probably not ever.

This brunette lab tech had broken through, and Nick wasn't up for it. So he hoped by ignoring her she'd go away.

She didn't. Dammit!

"Stop playing Grissom, Nick. I'm not Sara. I don't put up with riddles and stupid word games like she did because I like clarity and honesty!" Mandy hissed. "If you can't give me that, then just..." She couldn't find the words. "Forget it. I gotta get back to work."

She marched out of the room almost colliding with Hodges who watched her leave and asked with amusement, "Lovers' quarrel?"

Nick threw a hostile glare at the lab tech before storming by him, almost shoving him into a recycling bin. He finally cornered Mandy in the print room, scanning around for visitors and then hissed, "What is your fucking problem?"

"You!" she answered as she whipped around and like a bull stood her ground.

"You were there too, Mandy. If you couldn't handle the aftermath, that's not my problem."

Hurt, Mandy fumbled, tears brimming, "I just...you said...a lot of crap...toyed with my emotions and then treated me like garbage."

"No, I haven't," Nick insisted.

"Then why have you been treating me like I've got the bubonic plague or something?"

"I'm just going through a lot, Mandy, that's all. I just..." Nick fumbled.

"You think you are going through a lot. He was my friend too." Mandy's mouth formed a thin line as Nick stared at it and remembered how much pleasure it gave him, even in a drunken haze.

He folded his arms, body language he displayed often. Folded arms meant his guard was up. "Look, I'll just take a breather before we turn into an episode of Grey's Anatomy." He pivoted and began to make his way out of the print room. But something in his soul was crumbling away, his own proverbial wall. He could almost hear Ronald Regan instructing Mr. Gorbachev to 'tear down this wall'."

"Yeah, just go, Nick! Get the hell out of here before I shove a pipette up your ass." Mandy slumped into the chair and began to type into the computer. "You might want to look at this print."

Nick, however, was in lost in thoughts again and didn't hear her. "Mandy, I'm sorry."

She answered with a laugh, ""Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah, I've heard it all before, okay? Just take a look at this print."

Nick looked at it, but the wave of rage steaming off Mandy was distracting him as she asked, "So where were you when Warrick was getting shot by McKeen?"

"What?" Nick's head shot up at the question.

"Where were you when Warrick was shot?" Mandy's eyes were black while Nick deciphered the meaning of the question, "I...I..." Words escaped him.

"You were in a diner hitting on a waitress who is probably about the same age as one of those High School Musical kids," Mandy declared, folding her arms and enjoying the discomfort she caused him as the words hit him like bricks off a flatbed truck. He blanched.

"Yeah, I said it, Nick. I said what everyone else has been saying, 'where was Nick Stokes when his best friend was being shot to death in an alley and left to die? Oh he was hitting on some waitress.' What was her name?"

Nick felt like a truck had backed over him. He recovered enough to mumble the answer, "Stephanie, a student at the University of Las Vegas."

_Why was he even answering that question? He owed Mandy nothing. They'd gone on one date! One date! It was fun, but it was only an outing with two friends, although the date seemed to have stayed with him. He thought nothing of playing the field until there was some follow up. He hadn't seen Mandy for weeks because she was short-staffed. And well, he just thought she wasn't all that into him._

Mandy's mouth was pursed as she reproved him. "Well, well, well...isn't that interesting? A student. Where is she now, Nick?"

"She wouldn't give me her number." He felt his temples throb, a volcano brimming with lava within him.

"Why? Because you are almost 40 and she's was 22, 23?" Mandy's face was twisted in rage. "Typical Nick Stokes, puts his sex life before his friends! Like Catherine Willows, like Warrick Brown, and now me...only I'm no better than the blonde you left the club with while Catherine was getting kidnapped. Right? Just a simple fuck to keep life a bit interesting for you, right?! Are you getting any of this through your thick, fucking skull?!" She reached out with both hands and shoved him backwards.

THAT DID IT!

CRASH!

Nick ripped the flat screen monitor off the desk and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall with an earth-shattering smash, glass flying everywhere. Nick shot one last furious glance at a frightened Mandy and stormed out, oblivious to the shocked stares of Riley, Wendy, and Henry who leaped up from his desk and ran into the room.

Back in the locker room, Nick gulped in deep breaths to control the volcano that erupted. The lava of anger streamed out of him as he leaned forward into his hands, fingers on his temples. A profound sob was struggling its way to the surface when he heard his name being called softly.

"Nick."

He shot up, turned his head, and saw Mandy there, hands wringing, with Henry behind her, his eyes blazing like a bull. Nick snorted at the sight of the chivalry of her fellow lab rat, but said in a firm, controlled voice, "I think you should just leave me alone, Mandy."

"I'm sorry." She stepped forward but halted as he held up his hand.

"Yeah, so am I." He said putting his head back in his hands so he wouldn't have to look at her. "I'm sorry for a lot of things because you're right, Mandy. I was sitting in a diner hitting on some waitress while my best friend was being shot in the alley."

"Nick."

"Typical of me, like Catherine getting kidnapped and left naked in a hotel room while I was off fucking some blonde whose name I don't even remember." He laughed at the irony.

"Nick," Mandy said her voice breaking.

"But that's just how things work for me, Mandy. I just have no luck. I'm the unluckiest guy in the world. Especially with women." He fixed a vicious glare toward her and finished, "because I always wind up with the sorry ones."

For a brief moment he relished in the sight of her crumpling while Henry stepped out from behind her and charged toward him. "Okay, that's enough, Nick." He rolled up a sleeve to Nick's amusement as he could take Henry down in a heartbeat. But hey, if the pipsqueak wanted to fight, so be it. He could use a good release. He stood up and motioned for Henry to bring it on.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Catherine charged in, blonde hair whipping behind her. "What have I walked into, a fucking soap opera?" The blonde women planted herself between the human rams who looked as if they were ready to lock horns and yelled, "Alright, you two! Knock it off! Or I'll have security escort you both out of the building and you can enjoy a week off without pay." She pointed at the lab rats. "Get yourselves back to your stations. Now!!!" She turned to Nick. "And you stay here."

Just before Mandy walked out the door, Catherine called out, "I'll see you in my office in 20 minutes, Mandy!"

Nodding, Mandy slipped away with Henry in tow, and once they were out of earshot, Catherine sat down on the couch and slung an arm around Nick. "Maybe it's time you visited the peer counsellor."

"I don't need to," he protested.

"You will because I'm ordering you to," Catherine retorted.

"Okay fine," he answered through gritted teeth. "After I go see Doc Robbins."

"Good! I'll call and let her know you're coming."

"Catherine, I'm sorry." Nick looked at her, feeling tears slip out. Awww crap! He was crying again! He wondered why, along with player and playboy, no one ever bothered to add cry baby to the list adjectives.

"About what?!" Catherine looked at him in confusion. "The fight? Well, don't worry about it. You three made what was a normal boring day interesting."

"Not about that. About what happened at the club."

Catherine studied him. "What club?"

"The one the night you were..."

"Jesus, Nick, that was two years ago!" Catherine exclaimed and rubbed his back gently. "And I told you then not to even go there, okay? If it wasn't with you it would have been with someone else, okay?"

"And I'm sorry about Warrick. I should have gone home with him."

"Yes, then two of you would have been dead, not one. The Under Sheriff had it in for him, Nick."

"Everyone is going on here about me hitting on some waitress while my best friend was out getting shot to death." His hands rolled in fists. "Good ole Nick Stokes, being his true self, puts his dick before his friends."

"We've gone over this!" Catherine moaned. "Warrick is not dead because you hit on some teenager in a diner. Would you like me to hand you a whip so you can rip your shirt off and start the self-flagellation, Nicky? You were doing what you normally do."

"What I normally do?" Nick rubbed his pant leg. "Yeah, my reputation precedes me. It's probably why no one ever took me seriously, especially Grissom." He stood up and sighed. "I'm going to see Doc about an autopsy."

Catherine watched him before saying, "Yeah, I've got a lab tech to ream out."

He stopped and looked at his boss, his forehead creased.

"Cat, don't bother," Nick pleaded. "Please? It's my fault."

The blonde woman looked up at him curiously and nodded in agreement.

"What happened with you two?" Catherine asked, nosy and concerned.

"It's not important." He slid his jacket on and walked out, but turned back one last time. "Just don't ream her out though, promise me?"

Catherine stood up from the bench. "I promise."

"Thanks." He smiled back at her gratefully and walked away.

xxXXXxx

"I wasn't going to let my co-worker get in shit because I treated her like some typical one night stand when she wasn't. If I hadn't been stabbed, I would have gone over to her house afterward and apologized nine ways to Sunday again," Nick explained. "I was gonna buy her...I don't know... some DVDs and flowers and just leave them at her door with a note. Knock and then leave. Sounds stupid." He frowned. "But then I went to the morgue. What a place to get stabbed. Guy upstairs must have some sick sense of humour."

"Sometimes we don't have a say in the matter of where and when. Maybe that's why my mother always said don't go to bed angry with your friends or family, 'cause you never know," Jack said. "My wife and I had some big fights. I was going to go back on another mission about six weeks after, and she wasn't happy about it. So we kind of brawled a bit. It was tense before I died, and I was going to look into getting out of it, but the... well, the opportunity disappeared."

Nick nodded. "So then you died, and the opportunities to make peace with those you care about died with you."

"At some point they make peace within themselves, Nick. Once you're gone, you have no control over their emotions, but they will make peace within themselves."

"I don't think this person will ever make peace, and it's my fault. I was a jerk."

Jack smiled. "The mistakes you made, Nick, don't erase the good you did, because in the end at the funeral, all they do is talk about the wonderful qualities that person had. And you know, they spend a lot of time afterward grieving for you, but then they move on and most people only remember the good, not the bad. And I'm sure whoever you were at odds with will go through that as well."

"Sounds like what I went through with Warrick," Nick recalled. "We were at odds for a bit over his drug problem, but you know I was the last person to see him alive. I stayed behind and he went out and got shot."

"You had no control over what happened to him. His number was up, my friend," Jack told him.

"I miss him," Nick said with a faint smile. "But we had a lot of good times. He was my best friend and I really miss him."

"And you know what, Nick? That's all that's important. Everyone who knew you will only remember the good you brought to the world. You were a true hero," Jack said.

Nick smiled at his words while the German Sheppard licked his hands almost in agreement with the soldier.

Suddenly, mist swarmed around them.

Nick gazed at it blankly. "That's your cue. I'm getting used to this."

Jack shrugged. "Yeah, by the time you've reached person number four, you know the routine." He reached a hand out. "It was nice meeting you, Nick."

Nick took his hand and shook it firmly. "Thanks for the talk."

Jack turned away and walked into the purple and green mists.

Taking a deep breath Nick then began to walk in the opposite direction, waiting for the change to occur; curious to find out who was the final person he would see before he entered Heaven. Instinctively, he knew, so he wasn't surprised when the scenery changed and he was walking the streets of Vegas by the casinos.

And he definitely wasn't surprised when he looked down and took stock of his clothes-dark jeans and a blue striped, short-sleeved shirt.

Out of the mist, a yellow lab ran up to him, wagging its tail and barking a friendly, happy bark.

"Hey you! You look like a dog I had when I was a kid." Nick knelt down and rubbed its head.

"Always figured your Heaven would be filled with dogs," a familiar gruff voice said.

Tears sprang to his eyes as Nick stood back up and turned around, anticipation brewing.

And there the man stood, tall and lanky with blue eyes and an equally excited smile.

Warrick Brown.


	6. THE FIFTH PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN

THE FIFTH PERSON NICK MEETS IN HEAVEN

There is no fair in life and death. If it were, no good men would die young.

Mitch Albom

_Thank you Smokey for you beta_

_Reviews are very much appreciated as they help me gage what direction to take the story in._

_If you get a chance, please check out my smut fest-You're Lucky, I Promise. _

_xxXXxx_

Alive, there was no way Nick would ever hug Warrick. Oh they had shared a few emotional moments such as when the lid on his plexiglass coffin opened and he reached out to grab Grissom and then Warrick. But after 24 hours without any human contact and being an ant buffet, he had been reduced to such a state that the desire to live outweighed everything else.

Grief propelled him to grab his lanky buddy and hug him tightly, so tightly he almost knocked them both over as the mists disappeared around them and it became clear that they were amongst casinos. The Keno man waved his arm gleefully and the night sky lit up with the many colours of the fluorescent lights. It was as if Vegas was having a party and only the two of them were there, free to run rampant through the town as they wished.

Indeed, this was Heaven for Nick and Warrick.

"Whoa! Whoa! Hold on there!" Warrick laughed, returning the hug. "Don't go emo on me, man! Bad enough I've had to watch Grissom suddenly go all sob story on me."

Nick pulled back and said, "Yeah. Well, I just...I can't believe you're here."

"'Course I went to heaven. I wasn't perfect, but I always tried to be a good person," Warrick gruffed.

"You were more than that to us, Rick," Nick said hoarsely. "You were ..." He couldn't hold back any longer, and tears started down his cheeks. "Holy shit! I miss you!"

Warrick's green eyes brimmed with tears. "Hey, I miss you too, bro. You didn't talk at my funeral. I would have loved to have heard what you had to say."

"I was a mess, man!" Nick said as they walked along the streets of Vegas. "I couldn't. I wanted to, but I was afraid I'd fall apart."

"Grissom broke down," Warrick said his face in disbelief. "That was different."

Changing the subject, Nick told him, "Hey Warrick, I'm sorry I wasn't there. Maybe if I'd been there..."

"Look, I told you to stay back and get the number off that hot little waitress," Warrick chuckled. "Remember? Guess that didn't go so well?"

"Naaaw. She looked at me like I was some creepy old man."

"You are getting up there, Nicky!"

"Whatever," Nick retorted and looked up at him, slightly confused. "Warrick, you talked about me in present tense, as if I'm alive."

"Did I?" The black man smiled. "Seems like you are."

"Really?" Nick said sarcastically then gazed around with an eager grin. "So is this our version of Heaven. Casinos."

"Naaw..." Warrick answered, shaking his head. "This is just part of the journey. Heaven is, well, hard to explain, but one thing for sure, it's peaceful."

Out of the alleys, more dogs ran out to greet them, yipping and yapping, barking and yowling. They ran all up and down the streets. Big dogs, little dogs, medium sized dogs, causing Nick to wonder if he was now lost in a Dr. Seuss book.

_A dog party_

_A real dog party_

_Big dogs, little dogs, black dogs, white dogs_

"What is this?" Nick laughed as he knelt down to pet a beautiful black Cocker Spaniel who jumped onto his leg, little bobbed tail wagging madly. He smiled warmly at the animal and rubbed it behind the ears. It reciprocated Nick's kindness with a wet nose nuzzle.

"Means you're getting closer to your version of Heaven, and you said you liked dogs," Warrick said with his hands shoved in his jacket pockets. It was then Nick noticed Warrick was wearing the same jacket and jeans he was wearing the day he was shot.

Dog loving done, he stood up and said, "And you're leading the way."

"That's right," Warrick said. "Gonna make sure you get there."

"You're gonna be there, right?" Nick asked, hopeful.

"You bet, if you want me there, Nicky."

"Yeah, who else would I want with me?" Nick said. "After you died, the team just...it was not the same. Grissom left shortly afterwards and well, it was just different."

A gloomy expression spread over Warrick's face. "I'm glad you weren't the one to find me. You wouldn't have wanted to see it, Nick. Grissom was there, and the Under Sheriff was reaching for his gun. I tried to tell Grissom, but he was so focused on me. Everything went black here and then Holly Gribbs greeted me."

"She greeted me too."

"She was the first person I saw in Heaven. The last was my Grandmother," Warrick said with the beginnings of a serene look. "She's with me, along with my parents and friends who've passed on. " He patted Nick's back. "I'm at peace, Nick. Really at peace, as you will be."

"Warrick, I wanted...before I...I was really...things were bad," Nick faltered, trying to explain, feeling his mouth tremble with intense emotion, and he took a deep breath and said, "When I..." The word 'died' stuck in his throat, but he forced it out. "I hurt some people before I died. I left some bad feelings behind with no resolution. I wish there was something I could do to go back and fix it."

Warrick sighed heavily. "It's too late, Nick. I'm sure Mandy will forgive you. She cared a lot about you. I saw it before I died. That girl pined after you like a dog for a T-bone steak."

Nick chuckled sadly. "It was too bad I never saw it sooner. I might have taken a chance with her. "

"You were scared," Warrick said. "Although that song battle was pretty funny! I liked the choice she had for you. That new Britney tune."

"I wasn't a womanizer," Nick snorted.

"Oh yeah you were," Warrick said. "C'mon...that black book of yours."

"It was green."

"Yeah whatever," Warrick chuckled as they continued on to the yips and yowls as a Great Dane strolled beside Warrick. "Now this is _my_ kind of dog," he laughed as he petted the big, brown horse of a dog.

Nick shoved his hands in his pockets. "We had a lot of good times, Warrick, a lot of good times."

"Yeah we did, bro!" Warrick agreed. "But it had all to end."

"It didn't have to end the way it did," Nick said ruefully.

"No, it didn't," Warrick said gesturing to the door to Casino Royale where they walked into a plush room and sat at table where a deck of cards lay.

The dogs followed them.

Warrick sat and began to play, laughing at Nick's surprised face. "Hey! Not like I got a gambling' problem to worry about." He turned on the stool and shook his head. "Are you crying again? You always were an emo guy."

"Allergies," Nick corrected and put his hand on his hips. "I can't believe you're here. Warrick, I've missed you. Shit, the lab without you is fucking empty. "

Warrick nodded. "I know, but you're doing well. You're looking out for my girl, Cat. And you got that son of a bitch, McKeen. I knew you would catch him."

"I did more than just catch him," Nick said, his face darkening at the memory.

"Yeah I know, but I'm glad I stopped you before you did anything stupid." He grabbed some dice and threw it across the table.

Nick's eyes widened with curiosity. "What are you talking about?"

Warrick stared the stare. "You know what I mean. We both know you really, really wanted to kill McKean."

Blinking like a criminal caught with the incriminating evidence, Nick stammered, "It...it...was a miss."

"Nah! Nah!" Warrick shook his head. "That was no miss, Nick, you got a good aim."

Nick pressed his mouth together hard and then said, "He wanted me to kill him, Warrick."

"I know." Warrick shook his head. "I saw it all man, I saw it all."

"The man was lying there, taunting me, telling me when he shot you, you had a big smile on your face. I kept telling him to shut up, to just shut up." Nick winced with each word sticking him like a pin as relieved the memory. "Then he was telling me to shoot him."

"_He was your friend! What kind of friend are you! Shoot me, you son of a bitch!"_

"He just wanted to get out of going to jail, Nick. And you being arrested for his murder would be one final triumph for him," Warrick said gravely. "He would have gone to his grave laughing all the way."

"I wouldn't have gone to jail," Nick surmised. "I would have gotten off eventually."

"No, but your career would have been ruined. Over McKeen." Warrick shook his head. "Naw man, he wouldn't have been worth it, and I wasn't going to let it happen to you, Nick. You worked too hard and sacrificed too much of yourself for some scumbag like McKeen."

An epiphany moment struck Nick. "You pushed my arm away."

"Yep. Guy up there sent me down, told me my buddy needed some help. And there I was watching you trying to take McKeen down, and hey I know he was asking for it and I would have been tempted, but I wasn't going to let you do it. Nuh huh." He shuffled some cards.

The dogs ran up and sniffed at the table before jumping onto it. Warrick shooed them off, but they stayed firm. Some of them began to sniff at chips and toss them about.

"Figures your dogs would do this," Warrick scoffed but Nick's mind was on other matters.

"So where you were when I got stabbed?" Nick asked pointedly. "You were there and kept McKeen alive, but not me."

Warrick shrugged sadly. "As Sara once said, when it's your day, it's your day."

Nick nodded. She was right about that.

Then he brightened, what's done was done. "So are we going to hang in Heaven?"

Warrick tossed the cards back onto the table and gestured to Nick to follow him back outside where a breeze greeted them as they made their way to the street. The dogs trotted with them, tails wagging behind them merrily.

"Heaven, Nick, is a place where you have all your wants and needs met. Everything you ask for, but mostly it's a place of peace. A peace we never have while we're alive, but it's supposed to be like that man. Life is not about peace, it's about survival, but it's also about living it to the fullest."

"I don't feel like I did," Nick said.

"You did the best you could. That's all anyone could ask of you, Nick," Warrick said.

Dawn was breaking, almost sheathing the lights of the casinos around them.

"We had some good times and some difficult times," Nick said. "It was hard on me knowing you were Grissom's favourite."

"I know," Warrick agreed. "But I guess he felt I needed more guidance seeing as I never had a father. He wanted to, I guess, make up for that. You'd had a lot given to you."

"Yeah, but my dad, well, had a lot of high expectations for me."

"And so he should. You got to sometimes set the bar high for your kids. Can you imagine sitting all day on that bench and seeing how many fatherless kids stand in front of him and he had to pass some sort of jail sentence on him? Every day he probably told himself there was no way he was going to let any of his kids be one of them."

"He never did tell me he was proud of what I did," Nick said soberly.

"No, but I'm sure he was," Warrick said. "And he should be. Look at Sara; she burned out a long time ago. I got myself into some trouble with drugs and stuff. So you were the last of the Young Turks to be standing, Nick."

"And so I fell too."

"Not by your own hand."

"You didn't either."

"Well, in a way I did because the guy at the centre of the corruption was standing in front of me and I didn't see it."

"No one did, Warrick," Nick said. "No one did."

Warrick blew out a breath. "And so here we are?"

Nick nodded forlornly and then without any warning he pulled Warrick into a tight embrace and allowed deep sobs to bubble through the emotional barrier and surface. He felt Warrick's fingers tentatively touch his back and then the gestured was returned. Hey! Here it was okay. He was in, well, some sort of afterlife, and his best friend was here.

It was safe for grief to show itself here. It had laid dormant in Nick for weeks afterwards as he tried to be the 'strong' one on the team. Grissom was going through his double whammy grief over Sara and Warrick. Catherine took charge, but even she needed a rock to lean on at times. Greg was busy flirting with Riley.

That left Nick to make his own way through his grief like a combat soldier fighting through the swamps and greenery of a foreign country south of the equator.

Suddenly, without warning, a sharp pain clenched his chest.

xxXXxx

Red lights flashed, lighting up the underground parking lot as the man stood in the corner, his legs wobbly, and his ragged track pants filled with holes.

Brass cornered Sergeant Daniel Rambo. He was a young thin man with a thick batch of curly hair, his blue eyes wild. He stood in the corner of the back alley, gun to his head. They'd been hunting the man all night and now here they were.

Catherine stayed off to one side, her gun pointed at him while Riley stayed off to the other. Both women looked ragged as they had worked this case night and day, determined to bring Nick's attacker to justice.

Mandy had broken the case. The fingerprint on the knife belonged to Sergeant Daniel Rambo, a junior uniform who had been suspended over the past year for stealing and threatening other officers and suspects. There was a rumour of his being a Paranoid Schizophrenic.

He had stolen the knife from the evidence locker after having found a way to jimmy the locker. The day he stabbed Nick, he'd been suspended for arguing with the criminalist when he grabbed his baton and took a swing at Nick. Shortly after that he was suspended.

Now Brass had the young man cornered. Emergency forces surrounded the building as the detective tried to talk Rambo out of committing suicide.

"I didn't mean to stab Nick. I really didn't," he blubbered, tears streaming from his eyes, his face bedraggled. His clothes were grimy and dirty. Sadly, it appeared he hadn't changed and Nick's blood was all over his clothes.

A fleeting memory hit Catherine as she remember the last time she'd seen a colleague's blood all over someone: Warrick Brown-whose blood drenched Grissom's clothes.

Brass's eyes widened at the confession. "But you did. Why?"

"I don't know. Something in me was just screaming at me saying he was evil, that he was the devil."

Brass wanted to laugh, but wisely didn't.

"And then all the voice said was for me to cut him! Cut him! Just do it!" Rambo shrank back. "And I did."

"Yeah you did, but Rambo, I know you've been sick and haven't been well, maybe we can work something out with the D.A."

Rambo was sobbing. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do it." Then he pointed the gun at his head again.

"Look, I know you're sorry, but this..." He gestured to the gun. "Is not going to change things. Okay?" Brass insisted. "Just step away and hand me the gun and we'll take it from here."

Rambo looked around. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to stab Nick Stokes. I really didn't."

"What's done is done," Brass told him. "You need help. Just hand me the gun and we'll get for you."

Rambo finally handed over the gun and walked toward Brass. Metcalf and another uni immediately placed him under arrest.

"Daniel Rambo, you are under arrest."

xxXXxx

Nick jolted backwards and looked around. Another pain shot through his chest like an arrow.

Slowly, he looked down to where his hand clenched his chest.

Blood.

He looked up to find Warrick.

He was gone.

Turning his head around, Nick saw that the dogs were gone, the streets of Vegas were empty and the casino lights were dimmed.

Black clouds rolled ominously through the skies.

xxXXxx

Brass grimaced at the sound of the screaming of Rambo. The scream was ear piercing, ear shattering. As soon as he was handcuffed, he snapped and went into a seething rage trying to bite and kick at his arresting officers. The EMT joined and finally had the man strapped onto a gurney.

If Nick were here, he'd say something like "My ears are bleedin'," Brass thought reflectively, watching the sad sight unfold. Nick's stabbing was purely random. For some unknown reason this very, very ill man had Nick pegged as some evil being. His brain chemicals were broken down.

Catherine watched alongside with him. "It's sad how mental illness can just take someone down like this. Guy's life is ruined."

"He was a great officer," Brass said. "Unfortunately, we'll never know how great he could have been."

The man lay in back of the ambulance strapped to a gurney and screamed until the door closed and the vehicle moved off.

xxXXxx

Nick clasped his hands over his ears. "Fuck! What is that?!" The piercing noise overtook him and he dropped to his knees on the cold sidewalk and hunched over until it stopped.

The noise subsided into a hum, and then he looked up and blinked. He was alone.

"Warrick!" Nick jumped up and started running along the streets of Vegas, past casinos, pawn shops, movie theatres. "Warrick! Warrick! Where are you?"

Nick twirled around and around and then a sharp pain shot through him. It took his breath away and stopped him short.

He looked down and saw blood on his shirt, soaking it, dripping from his chest, oozing through his hands.

"Hey man!"

Nick looked up and saw Warrick standing there smiling sadly.

"What's going on?" he cried.

"Nick! You were the best friend I ever had. You were like a brother to me." Warrick seemed to not take any notice of Nick bending over and trying to stop the blood flow from his chest.

Nick's legs felt rubbery and soon gave away. He collapsed onto his knees and looked up t his friend pleadingly.

"Warrick, help me!" Nick reached out to him with a bloodied hand.

The tall lanky man smiled. "You're going to be okay Nick, trust me." With a wave he walked off along the lonely streets of Vegas.

Nick called after him, "Warrick, don't leave me! Take me with you! I don't want to say goodbye again!"

Grief has a way of showing itself when you least expect it. As Nick watched Warrick disappear along with all the dogs, the pain seemed to overwhelm him. It didn't seem to jive with the blood pouring out of him, or maybe there was no blood.

Maybe the pain was a broken heart and the blood was grief flowing freely.

He managed to sit on his butt and crisscross his long legs together, sobbing into his hands.

"I miss you, Warrick!"

Lightning flashed, thunder gurgled in response, and the clouds broke.

Rain poured down on Nick, and he shivered and looked around. He hugged himself tightly as it soaked his skin, forming a puddle with his blood mixed in.

But the pain was gone.

"I'm supposed to be in Heaven!" He looked up and called to an unknown being. "So what the fuck is this?"

No answer.

"I've met all the five people, man, so what comes next?" Nick tried to stand up but was overcome by what felt like a jolt stiffening his body.

"Okay!" Nick called meekly. "What is going on?"

Someone was screaming! Ear shattering screams. Nick clasped his hands over his ears, but the noise wouldn't stop. It was as if the screams were coming from within him.

"Stop!" he screamed. "Please!"

Another jolt overcame him and another and another. Nick closed his eyes and began a ritual long ago ceased.

He prayed.

His eyes were closed tightly, his hands clasped.

And someone indeed listened, because the rain did stop. However, his world seemed to become wobbly as if he were moving about.

Nick opened his eyes and recoiled. He was no longer in Vegas, nor was he was in Heaven, or if he was this was purely a fucking joke!

He was in a giant rubber life raft in the middle of some body of water. The sun was beating down on him and he was dry, bone dry. But that wasn't what was freaking him out. No sir.

Across from Nick sat five animals: A Bengal tiger, a gorilla, a wolf, a pig, and a hyena.

Nick gulped in fear and then gaped in horror when the tiger spoke to him.

"Hello, Nick, we've been waiting for you."


	7. Chapter 7

Life of Nick

_Some of us give up on life with only a resigned sigh. Others fight a little, then lose hope. Still others--and I am one of those-- never give up. We fight and fight and fight. Life of PI, Yann Martell._

_Thanks to Smokey for her Beta!_

Nick's first reaction to the sight of the five animals in front of him - three of which were predatory in nature and one with a bad temper to boot...and pigs weren't exactly good friends of mankind when they were crabby - was to jump out of the boat. Panting in fear and with a new understanding of how animals' prey must feel, he looked over the edge of the lifeboat, ready to jump, but alas, shark fins cut dangerously through the water.

Breathing heavily, he turned back and slumped down in the raft, grimacing with pain, and scanned himself. Holy fuck on a log! There was blood pouring down his shirt. "What the hell is going on?!" He gasped. He gauged his surroundings. The rubber raft seemed to change and was replaced with the sturdy sort found on cruise ships. Nick blinked, wondering what the hell he was seeing and if this was Heaven-the person upstairs had a cruel sense of humour!

"Hello Nick," the tiger greeted in an authoritative tone. "My name is Naren."

"Uh?" Nick garbled. It was official. He'd lost his mind. It had vacated the premise of his skull, leaving only a "_space for rent" _sign in its place.

"I'm Naren and this is Carol." He pointed at another creature - a gorilla that waved at him as it sat on its haunches. "This is Billy!" He pointed to a grinning hyena with demented yellow eyes. "And this is Jerry, the wolf, and that's Ann, the pig."

"And y'all are gonna make a meal out of me!" Nick looked around for something to be made into a weapon, but all there was was a blue tarp. Dammit!

"Looks like you're stuck here Nick!" The hyena laughed at him in a hideous fashion. It actually rolled around the life raft laughing its fool head off. "You're stuck, man, you're stuck!" And it continued as he said, "Your luck has been nicked. Get it? Nicked! And you're so _stoked_ to get out of this raft...wahahahahahahahahahahahah!" The animal flipped over onto its back and started kicking and laughing.

Nick sat there wearing a "What the fuck?" expression.

Out the blue, the fat, little pig raced over and bashed into his side with her pink head, ramming him so hard, he yelped in pain.

"What the fuck was that for?" he asked rubbing his newly sore arm.

"The comment you made about the fat ones," she snarled, trotting back.

"It was a joke!" Nick griped. Okay, Karma was obviously on a witch hunt right now! Dammit!

A Radiohead tune churned in his head"

_Karma police, arrest this man who talks in maths, buzzes like a fridge he's like a detuned radio. This is what you get when you miss with us!_

_Perfect song for Gil Grissom!_

Nick shook his head to rid his brain of useless thoughts!

"Well, if you're chosen to be reincarnated," the pig told him, "I'm asking the creator to send you back as a girl who becomes very overweight so you know how it feels, jerk!"

"Okay, okay. I meant no harm with that comment. I was being a jerk." Nick nodded.

"Did you get that out of your system?" Naren, the tiger, asked the angry pig.

"Yes, I did, thank you, "she grunted as she sat her fat little bottom down.

"Good."

Just then Billy the hyena rolled onto his back laughing and laughing again. "Sorry, Nick, I can't help it. I just think this whole thing is soooo funny!!!!" The animal laughed and laughed.

_I'm in hell! Nick thought. It's official. I'm in hell. It cannot get worse than this._

Naren shook his orange and black head. "Don't mind him. He's a scene stealer."

"I'd like to know what I'm doing here," Nick asked and then berated himself. He was talking to an animal...animals... animaux! What was he? Some sort of animal whisperer?

"You're stuck here."

"Why?"

"Because the guy upstairs is not sure what you want," Jerry answered, nodding his huge, grey head. "Thought I was the man in charge, but I guess I was wrong."

"Uh, I'm much bigger than you, and if you were in my natural environment you'd be a meal!" Naren warned him. "So get off your alpha male high horse!" Then the tiger sighed, "Hmmmm...zebras!"

But the Texan's thoughts were elsewhere. "What I want?" Nick sat up and grimaced. He looked down and saw blood covering his entire side. "I was with Warrick, and I want to go back."

"That's not an option," said Carol. "It's official, and we are the powers that be who have decided your fate, Nick."

"Why is it not an option?" Nick asked tightly. "And who the hell are you to decide my fate?!"

"Because we can!" Billy answered merrily and then fell over laughing again, drool dripping from his mouth.

"Then I want to live again," Nick demanded. His nostrils flared as he grabbed the sides of the boat and tried to pull himself up, but his legs gave way.

"Not an option either," said Jerry the wolf.

"Then are what are my fucking options?!!!" Nick grabbed his chest as pain shot through him.

"You don't have any. So that's why you are here. You're in limbo, Nick," Billy the hyena told him before breaking into another fit of laughter. "Your luck is nicked; you nicked your luck."

"Can I throw this guy off the raft?" Nick asked Naren, as he appeared to be in charge of the boat.

Naren pounced on the hyena and right before Nick's eyes, the tiger tore the poor creature apart. Blood and bone flew everywhere. Nick gasped in horror and curled away from the sight, clamping his hands over his face. He feebly crawled under the blue tarp as the skies broke open and rain gushed down on him, sending him into a fog, the sound of raindrops bouncing off the plastic.

xxXXxx

Time blurred, the boat rocked, and angry storm clouds raged through the sky.

Opening his eyes once more, Nick uncurled himself from the corner of the life raft and eased himself out from under the tarp.

The hyena, the gorilla, the pig, and the wolf were gone, and blood, bone, and fur were scattered about.

"Sorry," Naren burped. "I was going to save some for you, Nick, but I wasn't sure if you were into any other kind of meat but bovine, poultry, or swine." Blood dripped off his whiskers. "I was going to use your tarp to cover the remainders, but I figured there isn't anyone here besides you to concern myself with, and you, Nick Stokes, are no match for me!" The tiger held up a paw displaying powerful claws that could rip the Texan's body to shreds in no time.

Nick gaped at the tiger. He'd eaten everyone on the life raft but him. Maybe the tiger wasn't a man-eating tiger. Although tigers can consume between 44 to 77 lbs in one sitting, and so that meant that Nick, being a bit under 200, was safe for now as tigers usually killed every five to eight days.

A pain swelled in his chest, emitting a gasp.

"What's wrong?" Naren asked, his yellow eyes shining with interest.

"Nothing." Nick looked down at his side and saw more blood had seeped through his shirt, the same shirt he wore the night Warrick was murdered, and formed a small puddle on the floor.

"Do you want to live, Nick?" Naren slid down in a sphinx- like position, paws crossed over.

"I'm stuck in the middle of the ocean. I'm not going to live," Nick said flatly. "In fact, I doubt I'm even alive at this moment, so why ask such a silly question?"

"You think you're stuck, but you're not stuck. You're in limbo." The tiger smiled. "If you are that miserable, Nick, I can end it for you. I can grab your throat, clamp down, suffocate you, and then devour you, but if you want to live, you'll live."

"I want to live," Nick said weakly as he felt currents running in and out of his body. He looked up at the sky. "I wasn't done yet. I wasn't done living."

The boat rocked as water licked the outside of the lifeboat.

The tiger sat up regally on the other side. "So if you went back, what would you do?"

"Live," Nick answered simply. "Whatever comes my way, I'll challenge it. I'll take risks. I'll finish whatever my friend, Warrick, started. I'll be a good leader to my team. I'll do lots of things."

"And if you die."

Nick looked darkly at the tiger. "I don't want to die."

"Why would you want to go back to the hell you were living in?"

"Hell is what we create, as is heaven," Nick said. "Hell is a man-made creation."

"Interesting," Naren said. "But Nick, death is not final as you found out. Heaven is paradise."

"I'm sure it is, but I'm not...I mean I wasn't ready to go yet. I want to go back."

Nick looked down at the pool of blood on the floor.

"That smells sooo good," The tiger sighed, eyes gleaming with delight.

"Well, you ain't getting any of it."

"Not at the moment. I'll just wait until you take a nap and have a little sip... maybe a little bite." Naren licked his chops.

"Yeah, you do that." Nick was tired and laid back down on his side, arms curled under his head, and hoped this little hallucination (he was sure it was) would pass and he'd be back with Warrick. He heard slurping sounds and looked up at the tiger. "I'm not sleeping yet."

"Oh sorry." The tiger turned tail and strolled casually over to the other side.

Thunder rolled through the sky as Nick rolled onto his back and began to sing flatly a Radiohead tune he'd heard Mandy playing in the lab one day. He had an amazing ability to remember song lyrics.

And we all went to heaven in a little row boat  
There was nothing to fear and nothing to doubt

Naren laid leisurely across from him, paws crossed again, and yawned ,revealing white, razor sharp teeth. "Things are gonna get rocky, Nicky my boy."

_Why did the tiger suddenly sound like Gil Grissom?_

"Yeah," Nick answered flatly. "And why do you say that?"

"Well a storm's about to brew."

"So?"

"So you're in a lifeboat with a Bengal tiger who's pretty hungry right now, and there's a storm brewing."

"Didn't you just eat?" Nick asked.

"I've got a bottomless pit of a stomach, and I can consume well up to 200 lbs if I'm in a jam. And you look mighty tasty."

"Yeah, whatever," Nick mumbled, staring blankly at the sky.

"Can I lick your blood now?"

"No."

"When you fall asleep, I might eat you."

"Go ahead! I don't have that much meat on me."

"I can just use your ribs as toothpicks; have one dangling out of my mouth."

Nick watched lightening dance across the sky and he sang flatly again.

"Why would you want to go back to a world where you were buried alive and held at gun point? And that's only you. What about all horrible things you saw on your job?" Naren huffed as he gazed up at the sky.

Nick turned his head. _The tiger now sounded like Walter Gordon._

"I mean how did it feel when you saw all these victims, CSI guy?"

Nick slowly sat up, his palms bracing him.

"Useless? Impotent?"

"No!" Nick answered sharply. "It made me determined; determined to stay on because I sure as hell wasn't going to let those murderers win by letting myself get burnt out or hung up on drugs or booze. I was a lot stronger than that."

"Aww...I see," Naren said with a gleam. "And what about all the people who thought you couldn't make it up the ladder? All the people who thought you were just good ole, dumb as a post, Nick Stokes?"

"They were wrong."

"What about Warrick?"

Nick glared. "What about him?"

"He was your friend?" Naren asked, his voice _sounding eerily like the Under Sheriff_. "And yet you couldn't help him. You just let him die while you were off flirting with some waitress? You didn't even have the balls to shoot _his _murderer."

"What would have been the point?" Nick asked. "I would have gone to jail. My career over...for him?"

"Oh but you wanted to kill him. It was all over your face. You were fighting that urge to kill, weren't you, Nick?"

"Just shut up!" Nick demanded.

"Hit a nerve, didn't I?" The tiger grinned as the blood dripped from his whiskers. "You don't want to admit it, do you, Nick Stokes?"

"Admit what?" Nick asked sullenly.

"That you have it in you. The urge to kill."

"No, I don't." But Nick felt a voice in him saying otherwise.

"Oh but all creatures do, Nick. It's part of survival."

"Maybe for you, because it's not like you can buy your groceries at the supermarket."

"True, but you, Nick, you could kill, so you are no better than those murderers."

"I'm not like them," Nick sniffed.

"I beg to differ. Had life treated you differently, that line would have blurred for you, and maybe you would have been a rapist or a murderer."

"Fuck off!" Nick snarled.

"You don't want to admit it, do you? All those years you were undermined by everyone, secretly you were probably just bottling it up in you...weren't you?"

Nick nostrils flared and he tried to get up and lay into the tiger and then stopped.

_You're arguing with a tiger, Nick? You're no match. You're 180 pounds and he's got claws and teeth and you have a...well...face it...you're fucked! You're dinner!_

"Oh I know how it must have hurt to have your team not treat your seriously...to treat you like a moron!"

"Shut up!" Nick yelled and was overcome by a sharp pain.

"And meanwhile, Grissom was sleeping with his subordinate."

"Shut up!"

"Poor ol' Nicky, just left to the side. Guy didn't have the decency to say goodbye to you."

"Fuck off!"

"You were his bastard stepson. The one left to the side." The tiger was enjoying the taunting.

Nick clamped his hands over his ears screaming, "Stop! Stop!"

"Bet you had days where you just wanted to go in and shoot 'em up postal style."

With great effort, Nick pulled the tarp back over him, hoping to shut the laughing animal up.

The tarp tore off and Nick shrieked as the tiger stood over him and lowered his head. "I'm going to suffocate you and your miserable, pathetic life right now!"

Nick held up his hands feebly as blackness overcame him and he gasped, "No...please!"

"Why not?!" The tiger looked incredulous. "I mean, nobody cared about you, Nick Stokes. You were the joke of the lab, the bumbling country hick who couldn't pass up the opportunity to sleep with a hooker! The one who let his friend get kidnapped from a bar and left naked in a hotel room! Who let his friend get shot in the alley while you stayed behind to get a number off a waitress!"

Nick cringed as the words hit him hard. He looked down and saw blood now pouring from him like a raging, post winter stream.

"No one gives a damn about you. You think they were your friends. They're not your friends. They didn't give a damn about you! Loser!"

Nick shook with fear as hot breathe coated him.

"Believe me," the tiger said as he lowered his head, "nobody is going to care whether you live or you die! Nobody! Okay, Nick?! Okay?!"

Nick closed his eyes as the tiger called his name over and over, the voice changing to a different one... softer, gentler, and kinder.

And then another voice announced, "Well! Well! And so Lazarus rises?"

Nick's eyes popped open and he stared around, confused and frightened because the tiger was gone as was the boat. A man with a thick batch of curly hair and wearing blue scrubs and a white coat stood over him.

"Welcome back to the world, Mr. Stokes."

Nick tried to say something, but his voice betrayed him and a sweet smell filled his nostrils. Instead he tentatively took in his sudden change in surroundings. He was in a bed, a hospital bed, with machines looped in and out of his body. Everything was white, pristine, clean and real!

Moving his eyes around to ensure this was indeed REAL and not some strange level of heaven, hell or limbo, Nick's eyes found his parents standing there, eyes red and faces peaked and drawn, but immensely happy!

Opposite them on the other side of the bed stood Catherine Willows, blonde hair looking surprisingly messy, but a big smile broke out on her face. She leaned over closer and grabbed his hand. "Look over there."

Weakly, Nick turned his head to the side and a small smile broke out on his face.

Brass, Riley, Greg, Ray, Doc Robbins, Super Dave, Hodges, Wendy, and Henry all stood there waving at him with big smiles.

And Mandy, who wiped tears from her eyes and nodded at him with a thumbs up. He nodded to her, wishing like hell he could motion for her to come in, but his arms were not listening to him. He could move them, but they weren't up to the task.

The doctor beamed at the sight. "You've got a lot of friends, Mr. Stokes... a lot of people who've been worrying about you day and night. They watched you day and night... gave our nurses a break. I haven't seen a guy with as many friends as you have in a long time."

Nick tried to speak but then he couldn't. Tears formed in his eyes and he wished he could wipe them away, but he was too tired so he allowed them to slip down his cheeks as he tilted his head back up and focussed on the folks in the room, darting his eyes from one person to the other as his brain processed the scene, was this all real?

His father leaned over and kissed his forehead. "I knew you'd pull through, son."

Mrs. Stokes went to the other side of him. "I'm going to call your siblings and let them you're okay."

He nodded.

"Well, I hate to be party pooper," the doctor said, "but I'm going to ask everyone to leave so Nick here can get some rest."

Catherine kissed his cheek and told him she'd be back later as Brass was going to do the next round of "Nick watch". He chuckled delicately at the coined term, and watched as everyone shuffled out of the room.

His friends poked their heads in and told him they'd be back soon, with real food and presents, presents and more presents!

The doctor filled in a chart and looked at Nick whose eyes were wide with confusion. "I'll be back later to check on you, and then I'll fill in the blanks. I can tell you have some questions about what's been going with you."

But Nick could think. "I'm alive! I'm not dead."

He looked around the room wondering indeed if he was some sort of weird dream-AGAIN. He'd slipped so easily from one world to another that the line between reality and dreamland blurred to no existence and hence he wondered what would happen if he closed his eyes. Would he be in some fiery river with a wooden sign over a pass saying_, Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter?_

There wouldn't be a need for a sign to instruct him. After Warrick died, his hopes for a happier world had indeed been abandoned. He closed his eyes and allowed more tears to flow, both from relief and sadness because he'd lost his friend. Again. He allowed a small sob to escape his lips as fresh grief filled his heart.

Nick felt a figure walk towards him. The footsteps were slow, and malleable.

A feminine hand touched his forehead and he slowly opened his eyes and saw Mandy looking down on him with a small smile. She licked her lips, and an effort to say the right thing appeared to be failing. Tears were falling down her cheeks as well, and she wiped them away furiously and then, with her thumb, wiped his as well.

Nick felt a smile tug at his own lips at the tender gesture as he whispered, his voice thick from lack of use, "I'm really glad to see you."

Mandy stroked the side of his face and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "I'd better go before I get chased out of here." Her lips felt so soft and warm. If he had more strength, he'd reach up with his own and return the gesture...not in a sexual way, but in a way to say 'thank you for coming back to me'. Nick wished he could tell Mandy at this moment he didn't deserve her kindness, but he couldn't. Dammit, he would though as soon as he could muster the strength. And there were a lot of other words he needed to say, to clarify, and confirm because as the last bit of grief ebbed out of him, the lessons of ghosts began to fill its place.

They were right, his visitors, the five people he met on his way to Heaven, and although he never quite made it there, a part of him, his soul perhaps, would certainly retain their lessons of loving when opportunity knocks; making even the smallest of difference for a better world; letting go of anger and forgive those who seemed unworthy of it; the glory of being an unsung hero; and the power of friendship.

Allowing someone to love him was going to be the first lesson he captured.

As Mandy stood up to leave, Nick shook his head, because he'd been alone long enough. His arm found strength again as he managed to catch her departing hand, and as words struggled their way through unused channels and exhausted, dried lips, two slipped through the mess, "Please stay."

The lab tech's eyes lit up and a crooked smile formed as she nodded. "Okay, I'll let them chase me out."

She found a stool in the corner of the ICU and sat down, reached over, and took his hand, and squeezed it gently. Gazing at her lovely face, Nick managed a feeble squeeze of his own, relishing the tiniest of human touch, working as a drug of its own allowing him to slip easily into a dreamless, peaceful slumber where no tigers or ghosts from his past visited him.

_A/N: This is not the end of the story. There is more to come._

_Life of Pi is an award-winning book by Montreal writer, Yann Martell, about a young Indian boy who gets stuck on a life boat with five animals including a Bengal tiger. _


	8. LAZARUS RISES

**LAZARUS RISES!**

_You thought you might be a ghost  
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close_

_Those who are dead, are not dead, they're just living in your head!_

_42, Cold Play_

Nick forced his eyes to open again and swallowed to moisten his parched desert of a throat. He could feel something over his face and a sweet scent filled his nostrils. His eyes were protesting the very muscles wanting them to open. His ears filled with beeping noises and soft chatter, almost like music. One deep voice rang through the room, a very familiar voice. He fought against the powers in his body that wanted him to remain in a peaceful slumber.

Finally, he won the battle with his sticky-feeling eyelids and a round face appeared above him. Two at first, then they morphed into one, and then it became more clear and contrast.

Jim Brass was looking down on him with a tired and relieved grin. "Wakey, wakey sleeping beauty."

"Hey!" Nick rasped.

Jim's face looked pretty grim. The older cop said, smiling crookedly, "Hey, I owe you one for the time you babysat me years ago."

Nick looked at Brass, confused, eyes bloodshot, black circles decorating the sea of red. "How long have I been here?" A quick take of the room indicated he was out of ICU and in a private room.

"About a week, nine in the ICU and then they brought down here once your condition was downgraded to stable," Brass explained. He gripped the railings and continued. "And I gotta say you aged everyone about 10 years. It was pretty scary for the first few days, but now you're on the mend and before you know it, Nicky, you'll be drawing out your gun and going after them again. Hey, if you wanna be a cop just say so and I'll put you on the force."

"I'm too old to switch careers," Nick mumbled and started to move his stiff joints around."I feel like I got run over by a Denali."

"Yeah they've got you on a lot of pain killers," Brass said. "You tried to pull out the tube while they had you on a breathing machine in the ICU." He smiled. "You're a real pain in the ass patient, Nick. They actually tied your hands down."

Nick's eyebrows raised a notch as Brass continued, "Yeah, kind of a hospital version of Lady Heather's house. I know how much you like the whole S&M concept."

The criminalist snickered, but ceased as a pain shot through him. "Speaking of fucking pain...I need more pain killers."

Brass nodded and sought out a nurse who said she'd send the doctor in to see him.

Brass leaned back. "But we caught the son of a bitch, for what it's worth. Those skin scrapings you left behind helped, but they were pretty bloody, Nick."

"Shit!" Nick closed his eyes.

"We caught him though. There was a print on the knife which we found in a garbage can near the lab. Mandy spent many, many hours trying to find anything, and there was a tiny partial...looked like the latex glove ripped while he stabbed you. We found some of it on the white coat and figured there had to be something. Greg found the eight inch knife, and Mandy worked her ass off to find a print...anything."

A small smile tugged at Nick's lips and he asked, "Who did it?" He motioned for Brass to prop the bed up. He was tired of being horizontal

"The man who stabbed you," Brass snorted as he went over and cranked the bed. Nick sighed with relief at being able to sit, sort of. "He was a uniform...suspended recently. He had a breakdown. He was recently diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia. He was convinced you were some kind of evil spirit."

"He wouldn't be far off. How did he get into morgue?"

"He fooled some people there who weren't aware he was suspended. Privacy, you know! Somehow he got access to the files and found the knife. He saw your name and it was all downhill from there. He had a psychotic break, and you were the end result."

"Fuck!" Nick breathed. "Wrong place, wrong time I guess. For me."

"I know," Brass agreed. "That's usually how it works, Nicky, wrong place, wrong time. Do you remember what happened?"

Nick lifted a hand to his hand as the memories seeped back. "I had a fight with Mandy and I went down to the morgue."

xxXXxx

"Okay, Doc, I'm ready!" Nick clasped his hands together and waited in the morgue.

It was oddly quiet in there. Nick folded his arms and walked around a bit. Super Dave was out on a call and the other tech was on break. A small sound, like pants scraping together, caught his attention.

"Hello?!" Nick called and walked toward a small room Doc used as his office.

No one was there.

He smiled at his nervousness when suddenly someone grabbed his shoulder and he felt something sink into him like teeth.

He was more shocked than frightened as the pain spread. Another stab was attempted, but Nick grabbed the hand and dug in his nails. He heard a yelp and he was released. Nick managed to turn his head and saw a uniformed figure leaving. He tried to go after him, but the pain trapped him.

Nick grabbed at the pain and lifted his hand: Blood.

His mind was in denial mode, but pain gripped into reality. He was hurt and hurt pretty damn bad.

He reached out to grab an autopsy table but missed as his knees buckled. He hit the side of his forehead on the cold, hard steel corner and landed on his side, curling into the pain, gritting his teeth and grinding them.

Nick held his hand over the pain, feeling blood oozing through his fingers. His body rocked sideways as he yelled, "Someone help me...!"

The pain consumed him and he curled into a fetal position. "Oh fuck! Please someone...help me..."

With each moment he called, he could hear his voice grow weaker and imagined the blood seeping out of him. "Hurts so bad..."

It seemed like hours. He saw a clock on the wall. He'd been lying there for about 20 minutes.

He heard the door open and was relieved. "Help me...! Please help me..."

Nick heard the gruff voice of Doc Robbins and then he was gone.

"Please don't let leave me...!" he cried out. "I don't wanna die..."

The smell of iron filled his nostrils. His world became a haze of voices, pain, and more voices.

"Nick!" Brass called.

He felt himself being turned over and faces appeared over him.

"Nick hang in there!"

He heard Doc Robbins shouting orders.

Greg called to him, "Nick stay with us. Keep your eyes open! Okay?!"

He managed a feeble nod and held up his hand to Greg to show him the skin scrapings.

Greg grabbed it, thinking he wanted comfort, but Nick angrily shoved his fingers at him in a quest to get his point across. DNA, dammit! DNA!

"You got skin scrapings?" The light bulb went off in Greg's head.

Nick grunted and managed a feeble nod.

"Okay!" He could see Greg nodding. "I'm gonna scrape your nails. Don't go anywhere. Nick stay with us."

"Hey, kid, I'm right here. You're not going anywhere," Brass ordered.

He grunted at Brass, "Uni..."

"Nick, come on, stay with us!" Brass pleaded. "Dammit, don't you go anywhere! You hear me?! Look at me! Stay focused!"

Nick groaned and focused his eyes on Brass's round face and fear-filled eyes and nodded.

He felt Greg scraping his nail beds and winced as he felt someone press on his wounds. He cried out.

"I'm sorry, Nick." Doc's bearded face appeared to him. "I have to stymie the blood flow."

"Did you see him, Nick?" Brass asked and then called, "Nick! Stay with me! C'mon kid hang on."

Nick tried to speak. "Uni..." Pain "Uni!" but laid back and groaned as his breath became shallow and rapid. Something was sitting on his chest, looking down at him hideously. He closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see it. It was the damn thing that had appeared to him at night ever since he was kidnapped. His night paralysis demon was gleefully staring at him, telling him it was time to go.

"Nick, open your damn eyes and look at me!" Brass ordered. "You're not gonna die. You hear me? You're gonna fucking fight to stay alive. You hear me, kid?!"

Nick looked up at Brass pleading and nodded weakly, but he was being consumed by the pain. It was devouring him, but he tried to hold onto whatever remnant of the world he could, his eyelids began to close again of their volition.

He heard a commotion from behind Brass, and Wilcox's face appeared, kneeling down and prying his eye lids open shining a light into him

"Nick! Hey, it's me. "Wilcox's eyes looked into his. "You survived being buried alive, now you can survive this."

xxXXxx

Brass felt tears spring to his eyes. "You were laying there...fuck, I thought you were already dead with all the blood you lost. You were white as a sheet, your eyes glazed." He sniffled. "And I thought to myself, one more down. One more guy cut down in the prime of his life."

"I remember pain. Sharp and intense, and then he let me go, but I managed to sink my nails into his wrist." Nick stared blankly up at the ceiling.

"We saw the injuries," Brass told him.

"I tried to grab my cell, but it was buried in my pants and the blood was everywhere. I smelt iron and the pain was too much. My knees kind of gave way and I just propelled to the floor," Nick explained. "I don't know how long I was down, and then I heard Doc, you, and Greg."

Nick swallowed back tears and gladly accepted the box of tissues handed to him by the detective.

"Hey, Nick, you're not immortal, as much as you want to think you are." Brass fixed him with a stare.

Snorting with laughter, Nick nodded. "Yeah." He studied Jim whose eyes were bloodshot.

"Anyway, you get some rest." Brass patted his shoulder. "Your parents should be back soon with Grissom."

Nick looked at him, eyes wide. "Grissom?"

"Yeah, he flew in when he heard the news."

"Didn't think he cared enough about me."

"Well, I guess he cared enough," Brass said as he picked up his magazine and jacket and bid a wave goodbye.

"Thanks, Jim." Nick smiled and watched the stocky detective leave the room.

Nick was about to settle in for another nap when the same doctor who was there when he woke up in the ICU walked in wearing blue scrubs and a white coat and carrying a chart. A couple of young medical students walked in behind him.

"Hey there! I'm Doctor Dempsey. I'm the surgeon who worked on you. Both times."

"Both times?" Nick eyed him questionably.

Dr. Dempsey smiled and sat on a stool nearby.

"Well, your surgery was...complicated, Nick. Your subcostal artery was severed when you were stabbed. After your injury, you had trouble moving, especially your chest. Your blood was moving sluggishly, and it formed a clot which broke off and travelled through your heart before wedging into your lung, blocking circulation enough to stop your heart. We were able to get your heart restarted after five minutes."

Nick blinked in confusion. What? The med students watched with keen interest as if he wasn't a human but some medical experiment. Some wrote notes on the clipboards.

"There was no cardiac activity for about 4 minutes and 59 seconds."

"You mean, I was..." Nick felt tears spring to his eyes as he chewed his bottom lip. His voice quivered as he struggled to form the words, "dead?"

"Well, you were in cardiac arrest for five minutes." The doctor was so matter of fact about it.

"For five minutes."

"For five minutes. But we started your heart and here you are."

"Why did...a pulmonary embolism. That's rare."

"In a person as young as you, it's not zero," Doctor Dempsey agreed. "But it does happen with severe trauma to the body."

Nick reeled with the information and he laid an arm across his head, trembling.

"I know it's a shock to hear such news."

"Well, I'd rather know," Nick said. "I've...had some misses, but I never..." His tongue ran across his bottom lip. "Never actually..."

Dr. Dempsey nodded empathetically. "And that's why I called you Lazarus."

"Well, I've been called worse," Nick finally managed to chuckle.

The doctor laughed and stood up. "We'll monitor you for about two more days and then we'll release you. Recovery is also faster in one's own home."

_Not when you're all alone._

But Nick kept this thought to himself as he watched the medical students follow the surgeon out like puppies after their mother.

xxXXxx

Dr. Dempsey finallyordered the nurse to unhook some machinery from him, including the humiliating catheter. Nick told him he could use the washroom just fine, thank you, and wanted said object pulled out of him as the weird sensation of such was freaking him out.

"You're probably going to feel a bit dizzy when you get up to use the washroom. So page the nurse to help you," the doctor warned him. "You've been off your feet for a bit, and your muscles are a bit weak."

"Sure," Nick answered. "Will do."

However, that very same evening nature called and Nick wanted to answer, but every time he paged a nurse, there was no response. He glanced over at a clock on the wall and concluded it must be a shift change.

Pulling himself upright, he managed to ease into a sitting position. He slid his legs over and sighed at the shape of them. He was so pale and they looked so thin. Fuck. To the gym he'd be going soon as he got the okay from his doctor.

Vertigo hit him as he stood, and he grasped the IV pole and took a step, then another, and smiled confidently as he walked forward.

His legs gave way and he crashed to the floor on his knees, cursing, swearing, and making sure his gown was closed. He had two on, one for the front and one for the back. But still the dignity of being on the floor was horrendous. Thank God nobody was here. He tried to pull himself up and the IV fell backward onto the bed and he landed flat on his ass, his legs sprawled out.

"Fuck! Fuck!" Nick reached behind and grasped the edge of the bed as his bladder screamed red alert. That was all he needed; to be found in a pool of his piss!

"Need a hand?" a familiar voice called to him.

Nick looked up and watched in disbelief as a tanned and newly shaved Gil Grissom strolled toward him, knelt down, and slid an arm around his waist and began to lift him.

"I'm fine!" Nick was defiant.

"Yeah, that's why you're on the floor," Grissom retorted.

"I just want to...go...to the...can." Nick hated the whine in his voice, but pride be damned, and he allowed his old boss to help him to his feet. He grabbed the bed and then was up. His legs gave way once more, but Grissom grabbed him around his waist and held fast.

"Just bear your weight on me, Nick," Grissom grunted.

"Kind of like the trust test we did at work," Nick smirked as he took a step forward, then another.

"Oh the one where the person was supposed to fall backward and you catch them? Yes," Grissom said as they took one step, then another, and he added, "Except in your case, when Hodges fell backward, he landed on the floor."

"It was a miss." Nick feigned innocence.

Grissom cocked an eyebrow in disbelief. "If you say so."

Nick was ushered around the corner to the small bathroom. Eventually, the vertigo ceased and strength eased into his legs, each step becoming less of a challenge.

Grabbing the door handle, Nick grunted, "I can take it from here, Grissom."

"I know. Just wanted to make sure you got there," Grissom said and looked around. "Where are the nurses?"

"Shift change." Nick closed the door.

Grisom smiled. "I'll wait by the door until you're done."

"Copy that!" he called as his bladder did a little happy dance.

After washing his hands, he stared at his reflection in the mirror and shuddered at the sight. He had the beginnings of a beard which was in sharp contrast to the pale skin it grew on.

He looked like hell. He felt like hell, but then again he'd been in some sort of hell as the animal sequence replayed itself.

Nick's fingers wavered as he reached down to lift the gown up and see damage, but vertigo paid another visit, so he opened the door and smiled wearily at Grissom. "Do you mind...do you think...you can help me back?"

"Let's go."Grissom reached for him. "Do you need me to get the nurse to check your IV?" He asked as he guided him back.

"I'm fine." Nick laid back and covered himself up and sunk into bed, his muscles and bladder both relieved of stress. He grunted, "Thank you for helping me."

"Well." Grissom set a gift bag onto a counter under the windows. The vertical blinds were drawn for the night, and the entomologist had to shift his bag in between the oodles of other gifts, flowers (of which Nick had instructed they be sent to the Chapel), and cards. "No problem."

Nick laid an arm over his head. "How's Sara?"

"Good." His answer was short and sweet.

A tense pause ensued while Nick pondered his next words.

"So was I worth the trip to Vegas?" the Texan asked, his voice flat.

"Yes," Grissom answered. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah ,another funeral wasn't something anyone wanted."

"No, certainly not," Grissom agreed.

Lifting his arm off his eyes Nick managed to sit up again. "Do you miss us?"

Smiling, Grissom nodded. "Of course I do."

"Probably not me." Nick wished for a second the drugs had kicked in and he was la la land, as that sounded very childish.

Grissom didn't skip a beat. "I miss my team."

"How come when you left, you never said anything to me?" Nick asked.

Grissom raised an eyebrow. "What would be the point? It wasn't like you took heed of anything I ever said to you."

"I did," said Nick. "I just put my own spin on your words of wisdom and made them my own."

"That's the way it usually works, Nick."

"Well, in my case, it's been a rocky road since you left. I thought I'd like being in charge but no, I didn't."

"It's not for everyone."

"I just felt like someone should be there with me and they weren't."

"You never did see the grief counsellor, did you?" Grissom asked.

"No, I didn't think I needed to," Nick answered. "Maybe I should have."

"Well, I guess we grieve in our own way," Grissom said. "Maybe working was your therapy."

"Listen, this is rather deep, but can I ask you a personal question?" Nick eyed him nervously and then asked, "What made you finally decide to risk it all to be with Sara?"

Raising an eyebrow, Grissom paused for a second before answering, "It was after your kidnapping."

"Really?" Nick was surprised. He knew his ordeal had shaken everyone, but not to the degree that it had.

"I realized how short life was and decided to take a risk," Grissom answered handing him some books. "Why do you ask?"

"Guess, I'm re-thinking things," Nick said absentmindedly, checking out the crossword puzzle book Grissom had bought him along with a book on the local wildlife where he was visiting.

"Is there someone at work who has challenged your position on no dating co-workers?" Grissom prodded.

Nick turned the pages and answered without looking up,"Yeah, there is someone."

"I see," Grissom said and folded his arms. "Keep this in mind. Had it not been for Natalie, I don't think anyone would have ever known about me and Sara, so unless there's a serial killer looking to settle a score with you, Nick, or with whomever has peaked your interest, I'd say it's a pretty safe bet you can keep your relationship with this person discreet."

"Yeah, but when I look back now at all the times you asked her to work with you and not me...well, it kind of all fell into place. I took it personally then." Nick eyed him. "Now I realize it had nothing to do with me. It was all you."

"I never..." Grissom was at loss for words. "I tried to remain impartial."

"You're only human," Nick said. "But, had I known you two were dating, I might have switched shifts. Seriously, here I was trying to please someone who couldn't be pleased because his mind was more on his love life than on the cases."

"That's not true, Nick."

"Spare me, Grissom."

Nick glared at his former boss. Years of anger were brewing to the surface, and if he wasn't in so much pain from just a small walk, he'd plow the man into next century.

"Nick," Grissom said, "I don't think I'll be able to convince you otherwise, but I am sorry you felt slighted as much as you did. I was hard on you in the beginning because you needed it, but eventually the tables turned and now you're in charge and will probably make a much better team leader than I ever was. It's ironic because Sara and Warrick were once the most spirited members of my team, the ones I worked with the most, but Warrick went on a downhill spiral before his death and Sara burnt out. Now, it's you and Catherine that are in charge. I hope the two of you learn from my errors and don't repeat them." Grissom's gaze narrowed. "It's not..."

"No." Nick shook his head. "It's not Catherine."

"Because as you know, once Ecklie found out, Sara had to move to another shift," Grissom said. "Is it someone in the lab?"

"Yeah."

"Well, as long as you aren't on the same team, then there's nothing wrong with it."

Nick continued, "Last time we spoke, things went badly."

"Oh, I see." Grissom smiled. "I'm sure this person has forgiven you by now."

"She has." Nick reflected on the moment he woke up and saw Mandy's beaming face in the window and how she sat with him for hours until Jim showed up. Nick overheard her asking him to not mention anything to anyone. He knew the detective wouldn't breathe a word.

"Warrick was like the Prodigal Son to you, wasn't he?" Nick asked.

"Good analogy there, Nick," Grissom responded. "And yes, he was. He needed a lot of guidance from me. You didn't, but you needed to be reigned in for yourself and for the team. But it wasn't for very long. You mastered yourself quickly, and then I let you go."

"Grissom." Nick bit his lip and looked at him. "It should have been me who found Warrick and not you."

Grissom's face fell and he shook his head. "No, Nick, it was better the way it was for you. It was better that your last memory of Warrick alive was in the diner."

"Yeah, me off hitting on some waitress." Nick gulped back a lump.

"Trust me, Nick" Grissom's eyes were pained as he continued, "It was better that I found him. I would rather have my last memory of him be in the diner. I have to live with the image of him dying in my arms until the day I die. Haven't you got enough nightmares to deal with?"

Nick looked back and nodded. "Yeah, but I could have saved his life."

"Or we could have had two funerals to go to and McKeen would have gotten away with it, because if you recall, you were the first person to ever suspect it was him. He'd still be the Under Sheriff if it weren't for you."

"Don't try and paint me a hero," Nick said.

"Nick, you held the team together through the investigation. It wasn't me. It was you. You were the leader through it all," Grissom said. "Warrick would have been very proud of you."

Nick was surprised to hear these words coming from Grissom, and for a moment he saw a glimmer of pride in the entomologist's eye. It made him smile.

"You know...you know I flatlined for five minutes?" he asked, switching gears.

"Yes, I do, Nick." The side of Grissom's mouth tugged at the reminder.

Clearing his throat, Nick said to him,"I'd...I'd like to tell you how it was, Grissom, if you don't mind, and as well just keep it between us. If you don't mind. "

"Certainly." Grissom sat down on the edge of the bed and listened as Nick went through the list of people he'd seen.

The hardest part was Warrick Brown. Nick watched as Grissom's pressed his lips together as the story was shared.

Finally, he told the last part of the dream where he was in the life raft with the animals.

"Interesting," Grissom said. "I remember Doc Robbins telling me human perception both filters and structures our sensation of time and space. Impairment of the brain can dismantle those filters and structures, and both time and space can be very altered when we're ill or under massive stress"

"I was dead for five minutes." Nick shook his head as even he still could comprehend it. "Dead, I could have stayed dead."

"People have been known to be deceased for nine minutes until revived," Grissom told him. "But it's interesting you met five people, and I guess the animals in the life raft occurred when you were in a coma."

"But what did it all mean?"

"It could be many things, Nick," Grissom answered. "Your mind was trying to settle some outstanding issues in your life; the animals were symbolic of people who you felt were trying to control your life, your destiny. The tiger symbolized those who gave you the most conflict."

"Even you?"

Grissom shrugged. "Even me, but it's not surprising they are animals. You are the zoologist of the team."

"So if you were to die, you'd meet five bugs in a life boat."

"Probably!" Grissom said. "As for five people, as long as none of them are named Paul Milander, I should be fine."

"You believe in heaven?" Nick asked surprised.

"I believe we have souls, Nick, but I also believe the brain goes into all kinds of activity before life truly ends because it's the soul's way of separating from the body."

"Cite your source?" Nick asked.

Grissom laughed. "I don't always have a source, Nick. Sometimes you just have to believe that life does not always end because the body ceases function. In some ways, this should come as a comfort for you. You have a leg up on the rest of us for it." He stood up and patted Nick's shoulder. "Science doesn't always have the answers."

xxXXxx

Mandy waited outside until Grissom left before she made her way over to the room. She peeked in and saw Nick had fallen asleep or looked like he was asleep. She set the gift bag amongst the heap and was about to slip out when that sweet voice called to her, "Well at least stay so you can see me open your gift."

Mandy turned around and watched two brown eyes twinkling at her as he tried to sit up.

"Here...let me help you." She darted back over and slid an arm under his.

"I'm fine," said Nick as he slid on his butt into a sitting positon, "I can't wait to get out of here."

"I'll bet," Mandy told him. He looked a lot better now than when she saw him the night before when he was still hooked up to machinery galore in the ICU.

"You could have come in," Nick told her when she explained she'd been waiting outside until Grissom finished.

"You two looked as if you were having a deep, philosophical discussion," she said. "I didn't want to interrupt it."

Nick shrugged. "It was a Grissom talk. I was surprised he flew all the way back to see me."

Mandy smiled crookedly. "A lot of people care about you, Nick. A lot."

"What about you?" he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer as she sat on the bed.

Tentatively, she lifted her hand to his face and gently caressed it. His eyes closed, and he brought his own hand to clasp hers and hold it closely before pressing her fingers to his lips and kissing them softly.

"All is forgiven?" he asked with a look that would give puppies in a window a run for their money.

"All is forgiven on my side. What about you? I said some pretty awful things to you before you..." She couldn't finish the sentence. She didn't need to.

"You did. You were angry, and I guess the anger just spilled out of you," said Nick.

"I never meant any of those awful things, but I guess it's true when they say hell has no fury like a woman scorned," said Mandy.

"I think the person who came up that expression was a man," Nick said with a sneer.

"Who cheated on his girl...or worse."

"Probably," Nick said and then squeezed her hand. "All is forgiven on my side, Mandy, but I do owe you an explanation as to why I acted like an ass after we slept together. It wasn't you at all. I was." He paused to take a deep breath, "I couldn't handle the thought of anyone getting close to me. I lost a lot of people in the past year and it's just been hard."

"But you were right. I was there too," Mandy explained, ducking her head shyly. "I should have handled the aftermath better. I mean we were drunk out of skulls, grieving for Warrick. A lot of crap was said that shouldn't have been said." Her face told Nick she had rationalized what happened and was okay with it.

Which was good and bad, because well it took being dead to relize how short life was and how much he should take any good that was offered his way. Mandy was a sweet gal who lit him up in a good way, why not let her in.

But did she want to come in?

"You...I..." Nick faltered. "I meant what I said. I do..." Damn brain. "I mean, I did mean I said that night, it wasnt' the booze, if anything it probably brought down a wall."

He studied her face slowly break into a pleased smile as she reached over and put a finger on his lips and asked, her voice a mere whisper, "Has too much water gone under the bridge, Nick?"

Nick brightened."It's only too late when we're gone, Mandy."

Mandy nodded, and then she brought one of her gift bags over with a gleam in her eye as she pulled out some shaving cream and Gillette razors and held them to him with her head cocked to the side.

"Thought you'd want to use these before another pornstache grew." She emphasized the nickname as he chuckled, then she asked. "Do you want some help?"

"Feel free," Nick answered.

Mandy's eyes widened. "Are you sure?"

"Unless you're planning to go Sweeney Todd," Nick said, waving his hand around imitating the murderous barber. "Go ahead."

Mandy retrieved a small plastic with water and some towels from the bathroom.

"I don't know how good this will look," she said tucking a towel around his neck. "This is my first time." She blushed at the sentiment. Nick chuckled as she lathered his face.

The sound of their hearts could be heard throughout the small room as Mandy stroked the razor down carefully, nervous of cutting him. Nick guided her along with his hand enclosed around hers.

Neither spoke while Mandy moved carefully and with finesse she only used in the print lab, particularly with a partial.

"Heard you broke the case?" Nick asked and watched her eyes glimmer with pride.

"A very, very tiny partial on that knife." She stopped and gently turned his face to the other side.

"But you managed to make it work, Dandy Mandy."

Mandy felt a tug on her heart at hearing his little nickname for her.

"It was a long haul." She stopped and said, "But it was worth it to see your attacker caught."

She watched, her heart racing, as he let go of her hand holding the blade and leaned over, giving her the gentlest of kisses, almost causing her to drop the cup and razor. Nick quickly took both items out of her stunned hands, placed them on the tray, and resumed the kissing, holding her face in both his hands.

He needed to feel her lips. He needed the warmth of them to assure himself once again he was still alive. Their mouths consumed one another, tongues intertwined. Mandy's own hands cupped his face and a small whimper escaped her lips, a sound that was music to his ears, and the memory of their night played in his head. She was an intense and passionate lover in spite of the alcohol and its limitation. He couldn't wait until they made love again without any alcoholic beverages interfering.

Finally, Mandy unwillingly broke the kiss slowly and lifted her head away, causing Nick to chortle at the sight of splattered shaving cream on her cheeks.

"Got your own beard to shave, girl?" he asked softly with a sheepish grin as he brushed the suds off.

"Not yet!" she chuckled. "But I'll come and use your razor if I do grow one."

"Oh no, you get your own, woman!" Nick grinned. "And I'll be standing by with pornstache jokes waiting!"

"Payback's a bitch!" Mandy picked up the razor and finished ridding him of his beard. "There! Now you look like old yourself again." She paused. "Only better." She ran a towel over his face, removing the last bits of cream.

"Thanks," he said and then continued, "The doctor is going to release me in a few days."

"Really?" Mandy asked. "Are you going back to Texas to recover?"

"Nah!" Nick shook his head. "I want to be in my own house."

"Alone." Her eyes took on a hopeful look much to his delight and relief as he really didn't want to be alone.

"Well." Nick rubbed his freshly shaved chin. "I could use a nurse, you know. You did pretty good here."

"I've got lots of other talents," Mandy said, her head tilting to the side shyly.

"I'm sure you do," Nick agreed and then leaned into the pillows. "Plus, it would be more fun to have someone to recover with."

Mandy's grin was contagious and she rubbed his face. "I think I can arrange that."

The lab tech brought out a stack of cards she had in her purse and they played for a bit until Nick was exhausted, so they called it a night and Mandy kissed his cheek and told him she'd be back and he drifted off.

In the morning, he awoke to a nurse asking him if she could take his blood.

"Oh, a gentlemen left these two books with us. He popped by to see you, but you were sound asleep and he asked if we could look after them until you woke up."

She handed him them to Nick who studied the covers.

One was orange with a tiger face on it, blue waves below with white font. _Life of Pi_ by Yann Martel.

The other one was cream coloured with brown font. _The Five People You Meet In Heaven by_ Mitch Albom

And a note.

_Nick:_

_Life of Pi is an award winning book about a young boy stranded on a life raft with a Bengal tiger. It's a very detailed book. You might want to save it for another time when you're feeling stronger. There's a strong element of zoology and animal behaviour which I'm sure you'll enjoy._

_The Five People You Meet In Heaven is the story of a rollercoaster repairman named Ed who dies while saving a little girl's life. While in Heaven he meets with five people whom he has a connection to. I bought it for the rollercoaster element, but given your recent experience I'm sure you'll find this a relatable read._

_As for your questions about engaging in a relationship with a co-worker, the way I see it, Nick, you don't want to wind up in my situation... finding yourself at the age of 50 never having been in love. If the opportunity is there, Nick, challenge it. _

_There is no policy on dating between lab staff and CSIs._

_I'm heading out now. And I will be in touch with everyone soon._

_Your secrets are safe._

_Grissom._

"Anything wrong Mr. Stokes?" the grandmotherly nurse asked him while labelling the vials with his name.

"No, just...when did he stop by?" He studied the books, wondering which one to start.

"Oh, while you here with your girlfriend and she was giving you that shave. He poked his head in and walked out to the nurse's station, wrote a note, and left everything with us, wearing a big ol' grin on his face. He's a very nice guy."

"I'm sorry. Did we cause...trouble?" Nick flushed as he held gauze over the needle entry.

"Not at all. Don't worry about it. You two looked so cute together. You remind me of _Lady_ _and the Tramp_." She wrote his name on a vial and flashed a grin.

Nick looked at her strangely and shook his head. Okay.

_A/N: A friend of mine is a coroner and he was able to help me with some the information._

_In the original book, Life of Pi, each animal on the life raft represented someone to the child. The tiger consumed each animal and the two of them were left for days on the raft. The ending has a very strange twist. I won't go into more details than that._

.


	9. LIFE RENEWED

LIFE RENEWED

_I'm sorry this took so long, real life simply got in the way._

Nick finished the evaluations and stacked them together in a neat pile to leave on Catherine's desk. He rubbed at the healing wound, wincing at the tiny pain that dwindled here and there, and reached for some ibuprofen.

He had to go visit his doctor later in the week to have another blood test, an INR as it was called, the international normalized ratio, to check that the level of blood thinning that his anti-coagulation medication, Warfarin, was achieving.

When the pulmonary embolism occurred, he was initially treated with Heparin, but then started on Warfarin and was told he would have to stay on it for up to six months. Dr. Omar, his family doctor, assured him he would be probably not need to stay on them for very long given that his good health and fitness reduced the likelihood of another pulmonary embolism

His surgeon, Dr. Dempsey, suspected an air bubble might have formed as a result of the injury, as pulmonary embolisms were very rare for people his age, and it was as much of a shock to the surgeon as it was to Nick.

Nick still shivered at the idea, at the mere concept, that he had been dead for five minutes...his body lifeless on a cold steel table for five minutes until a current rang through his body, jolting his heart back into action.

Whenever he was in the morgue these days, he felt somewhat of a parallelism with the victims. He and they shared a commonality as never before: Lifeless on a steel table.

There were no other CSIs Nick knew of who could claim such a similarity.

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts as Catherine walked in, looking worn from the latest tete-a-tete with the Ecklie, the new Undersheriff. "Sick of desk duty yet?"

"I won't lie and tell you I wouldn't prefer being out in the field, but I'm okay with it," Nick answered wryly. "In fact, I'm okay with most things at this moment. I'm glad to be back."

"Are we gonna break out into Michael Buble's _Feelin' Good?" _Catherine asked.

"You want me to? I could jump on this desk here and start crooning away for you all," Nick threatened with a wily look and lifted a foot onto the chair.

Catherine held up a hand. "Ah no. That's fine. _Oh Mandy_ was enough for us." Then she turned her gaze toward the evaluations and asked, "How did it feel to be on the other side of the desk?"

"Oh," Nick tilted his head and rubbed the back of his head. "I thought about pulling a silk, silk, silk on Riley, but I decided not to. I was just straight with everyone."

"Well don't be too hard on her. She helped solve your case." Catherine strolled over and picked up the evaluations. "Thanks for taking care of this."

Nick ducked his head. "Hey, I gotta keep busy somehow, but I'm glad you're at least letting me work in the garage."

Holding the files close to her chest, she shrugged. "Hey, you and cars go hand in hand."

"What?" Nick asked as he stood up to get his jacket. Catherine was studying him with a strange look, almost as if she had to reassure herself of something. "You're looking at me as if I'm about to spontaneously combust."

Chuckling, she ran a hand through her blond hair and cleared her throat. "I was there when you...you coded."

Nick felt his heart sink and blinked back the tears that sprang to his eyes. He swallowed a forming lump. "That must have been hard for you." A part of him wanted to tell her to please stop, as the details were still hard for him to comprehend, but he knew Catherine needed to do this as her world had almost been torn apart again, another loved one torn from her world. They'd always had this loving bond between them...the big sister making sure no harm came to him. She was there for him when Grissom wasn't, when the bug man was too wrapped with his two favourites: Sara and Warrick. Nick never resented them for that, but he sure resented Grissom until recently when he was told he was the last soldier standing.

He sat on the edge of the desk and said ruefully, "It's okay, Cat. Just talk to me about it. I can handle it."

"Your parents had just stepped out. I told them to go get a coffee. They were exhausted," Catherine told him. She looked as if she were reliving the moment. "You were lying there...they had inserted a breathing tube down your throat. Your skin was white. I was talking to you. A nurse told me you might be able to hear me." She looked up at Nick to see if he recalled.

"I wish I could say I heard you, but my mind was elsewhere," Nick said. Catherine knew nothing of his experience. Only three people knew - Brass, Mandy and Grissom - which made that actually four as he suspected Grissom had told Sara. Like Frank Sinatra sang, "Can't get one without the other...love and marriage!"

_Shut up brain!_

Catherine blew out a breath and continued, "And then there was a horrible noise and next thing I knew these nurses raced in and chased me out. They began to apply chest compressions until the cart arrived. I stood outside the window and watched as they applied the paddles to your chest and your body jolted as soon as someone yelled 'Clear'."

"Just like that show ER, right?" Nick joked. "Hey, I saw a guy on there once who looked just like me. Some weird paramedic."

A chuckle broke out on Catherine's tear-streaked face. "Well, you've got a familiar look." Then she shook her head and slid the files under her arm. "I'm sorry. I should not have told you that."

"Nothing that the doctor hadn't told me, Cat." Nick slipped his jacket on. "I'm glad to be alive. I got a little jaded after Warrick, but I guess it took this to remember how lucky am I to wake up and see the day."

Fresh tears sprung forth as Catherine reached over and embraced him tightly with one arm. "Me too. I've lost enough people over the years, Nicky, and all I could think about when I was in the hall was 'here we go again.'"

Nick rubbed her back. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere yet. Although, it's quittin' time and I gotta head home."

Pulling away, she asked coyly, "Someone special waiting for you?" and winked at him.

"No." Nick shook his head trying like hell to stay poker faced, but she had a knowing look about her, complete with a smug smile.

"Really?" she asked sceptically.

"Nope." Nick turned around and felt the heat of her stare. Catherine was too smart for him sometimes.

With a weary sigh, he entered his house, glad to be home. After hanging his keys on the hook by the door and his jacket on the coat rack, he strolled through the house to check on the 'someone special' his boss was referring to.

There she was. Mandy was curled on his bed, looking so lovely in a t-shirt pyjama, her hair in soft tendrils over her face, the navy blue comforter resting on her hip. She had fallen asleep while watching CNN which hummed about the inauguration of Barack Obama.

She had made sure he was looking after himself. Not that he had had a problem with that before, but the doctor was right about recovering with caring people around. He loved her company. Mandy had such an acerbic, sarcastic humour. She could play a mean game of Monopoly. He liked coming home to find something delicious in the microwave waiting for him. It was nice having someone around the house. It was nice to have someone to come home to.

Still she'd been clear about waiting a bit before carnal activity. For his health, of course.

He glanced at his calendar as he had an appointment set up with the peer counsellor about Warrick, his stabbing, and other matters, just to make sure he was okay. Nick knew he was fine and would get through this as he he'd done with others, but he wanted to hear someone say it as well.

Nick stripped off his clothes for the day, dumped them in the wash barrel, and went to grab some pyjama bottoms and a t-shirt. As he strolled by the mirror, he stopped and took a look at the angry stitches that formed a jagged edge on his torso between his ribs.

He studied it, a reminder of his trauma, his stabbing. The first day he went back to work he made it a point to visit the morgue. Nick was not about to let this trauma, like others, stop him from his work, his duty. However, it wasn't easy, and it still wasn't easy for him as he hated for people to come up from behind him as it made him jump out of his skin.

Nick was an expert on healing from trauma. He'd make it through this. Eventually he'd be fine. He always was.

After changing into grey pyjama bottoms and a grey shirt, he flicked off the TV and crawled into bed. He spooned Mandy and began to caress her bare arm. Listening to her breathe rhythmically, he ran an index finger along her neck, down the length of her torso, and up again, smiling at the goose bumps that formed on her arms.

For a second he was taken back to the one moment with Kristy who told him to welcome love into his life. He did just that, although neither had said the three magic words. Yet.

Nick could hear the wind rustling through the trees outside and the blinds tapping. A beam of sunlight shone through the blinds in the window.

Brass had told him early on his shift that Rambo was in a psychotic break and therefore no legal proceedings would be brought against him until the shrink gave the all clear. Nick was torn because on the one hand, the guy's brain was a mess and therefore he was not in a 'sound' frame of mind when he assaulted him. But on the other, Nick nearly died and someone needed to pay for it.

Regardless, he didn't have to worry about it at the moment, nor would he.

When he first got home from the hospital, he spent the night on the couch curled up with Mandy telling her about his 'experience', right down to the animals on the boat.

She'd asked if he'd learn something from his experience and he told her, "Yeah, next time I'm at a zoo, I'll avoid the tiger section."

He continued to caress her arm, then slid an arm around her waist and pulled her tightly to him.

"Hey, why'd you stop?" a small voice asked.

He smiled as Mandy turned over and faced him while he answered, "Thought you were sleeping."

"I thought I was dreaming."

"Any tigers or gorillas in there?"

"No, just a sexy southern gentleman making love to me," she teased.

"Really?" Nick drawled. "Do I know him?"

Mandy scrunched her face and answered, "Yeah, you do. Matthew McConaughey." She watched his expression.

Smirking, Nick retorted, "Oh really? And did he get up and start playing bongos after he was done?"

Mandy laughed and traced his face with her fingers. "Nope."

"Well, of course it wasn't me." Nick groaned.

"Oh quit whining, Nick," Mandy scolded.

Nick winced. "Grissom said that to me."

"Well, I'm not Grissom." Sliding an arm around his waist, she drew him close. "And I was kidding about the southern man. The one I really was dreaming about, well his name started with an N."

"Nick Nolte?" Nick asked confused. "He's from Nebraska."

"No, you, wise ass." Mandy reached over and playfully pinched his ass.

"Hey!" Nick protested. "Man with the injury here." Then he reached over and returned the favour, savouring her little squeal.

"Wait a minute!" He slid his under her night shirt, and to his delight smooth, soft, fleshy skin greeted him. "What's this? We're not wearing anything? Naughty girl!"

He eyed her as she leaned over and whispered huskily, "Easy access." She drew back, eyes filled with longing and lust as she traced the laugh lines around his eyes.

Since she started spending time at Nick's place, all they had done was sleep in his bed, not by choice, but her shifts had doubled and by the time she got home, Nick was stone cold asleep in bed and she hadn't the heart to wake him. Instead she'd head into the kitchen, cook something simple but filling, and leave it for him. It was delightful to wake up and find he'd hoarded down almost the entire meal, leaving some for her, and presumably taken some to work.

When they were awake they hung out watching movies or playing board games, or drove over to Lake Mead to sit by the water and enjoy the view, talking and talking.

Slowly, Nick recovered physically and mentally. He was better than ever, in fact. But Mandy had read somewhere that people who had 'died' and come back had a new zest for living and relished life like no others.

It appeared Nick was doing just that, which is why she was crazy about him and why she forgave him. She had forgiven him long before he had apologized to her and before she returned with her own.

In a way it was a blessing they had not become intimate, as Mandy wanted to see if this 'new' Nick was simply a result of a tragedy and make sure their relationship wasn't something he just grabbed onto like a buoy after such a horrible event.

The past few weeks proved otherwise. Oh they'd kissed, but he was tired most of the time from the pain killers and the Warfarin. Nick was a tired boy, and their bed moments were mostly cuddle time.

No one knew of their relationship. She hadn't mentioned a word to Wendy who simply wanted to know why she had become so inaccessible these days. Nick had told her he suspected Grissom had caught them kissing in the hospital, but hey; he was off in Costa Rica somewhere.

But enough was enough. She was not about to go one minute longer sharing this bed with this sexy as hell man and not enjoy the privileges of it, and so to bed she went with just her t-shirt, hoping he'd get the message.

The hunger in his eyes said he did.

"Well! Well!" Nick said gleefully. "You are a generous lady!"

Pulling her tightly, he kissed her soundly, a little whimper escaped her throat before drawing back. "I haven't taken my pain killers yet," he whispered, his hands reacquainting themselves with her luscious, curvy body. Marilyn Monroe had nothing on this girl!

"You might need them when we're done." Mandy sat up, eyes glued on his, and slowly brought the t-shirt gown over her head, tossing it into a corner. She slid down on her side and caressed his face with a tiny smile tugging on her beautiful lips as she watched him scan her nude body first with his eyes, his hands followed suit sending shivers and jolts down her spine to her loins. Then he rested one hand on her shoulder and drew her so close she could feel his hardness against her.

"Thanks," he finally said after a pause.

"For what?" she asked, her face flushed. Her hands dipped under his shirt, gleefully working themselves down to his pyjama pants and slipping in, feeling his sex hardening even more at her touch. She caressed it lovingly, eager to feel it inside her doing oh so naughty things.

"For taking me back," he told her, licking his lips.

"No, you took me back," she said and then narrowing her eyes, she asked, "Were we together?"

"I don't know. Are we now?"

"If we're doing this, I sure hope so," she answered, sliding her hand out and watching as he sat up and pulled off his t-shirt and slid off his pyjama bottoms and boxers in swift motions.

As he turned back to Mandy he caught a gleeful smile. "What?"

"When we in the hospital, I snuck a peek." She bit her bottom lip. Well how could she not?!

"Yeah?" He reached over and placed a thumb on her protruding nipple. "You took advantage of me while I was in a hospital bed?" He pinched it playfully. "You're a bad girl."

She reached over and drew him to her and they began long, leisurely kisses, tongues entangled, hands reacquainting with each other with a zest and clarity, legs entwining.

Nick now remembered the parts he enjoyed with her the first time and lavished attention on them. He slipped his hands into her folds finding she was long ready for him, but no, not yet. He was tired, but the activity rejuvenated him. Normally by now he'd pop his Warfarin, but he wanted his wits about him so he could show this woman how much he appreciated her.

Slinging her leg over his hips, Nick eagerly explored her, sliding three fingers into her while his thumb repetitively pressed her nub, almost causing her to stop their mouths while she gasped, but before he could bring her to a crescendo she gently pushed him onto his back.

"What do you think you're doing?" he whispered as she kissed him gently along his jaw line and began to crawl over him. Her lips met his again without answering, and his fingers made a trail along her back until they reached both cheeks of her glorious ass.

"You are a man in recovery mode; therefore I'm doing all the work and you..." She leaned over and kissed his forehead, "are to just lay there and enjoy yourself."

"I don't know if I can do that, but I'll try," Nick snorted as he clenched her cheeks. He couldn't help but whisper, "You know, Brass told me he liked your ass."

She drew up with a glare. "He did not!"

"Did too...said I was a lucky son-of-a bitch to have seen it firsthand."

"Scoundral." She leaned back over and then asked, "And what did you say?"

Nick squeezed both cheeks and smiled. "I neither confirmed nor denied its gloriousness."

A wily smiled formed on her lips as Mandy leaned down. "Good boy." She lavished kisses on his face and his nose before returning to his lips.

They became entwined again like vines, hands seeking, kneading, stroking one another. Mandy's kisses ran along his cheek and soon she was nibbling on his ear while he reached down and probed her sensitive nub, listening to her breath hitch as he whispered that if things didn't pick up soon she'd miss out on a good thing.

Rising up, giving him a lovely view of her breasts, nipples erect and alert, she slid down and before he knew it he was basking in the warmth of her sex, a steady rhythm being set.

His energy wasn't great, but he managed to gently caress her torso while her head lolled back and her breathing quickened. It was sweet music to his ears. He brought his hands to her knees to meet her every move. "Easy," she cooed as she leaned over and kissed him. "You're not fully recovered." She could help but stare at the scar. She reached down and traced it, looking at him ruefully for a second and thinking how close.

He took her hand, kissed it with a smile, and urged her to keep going and to remember life is for living, not for remembering.

On cue she rolled her hips, twisting and tightening around him. She placed her hands on his stomach for leverage and upped the tempo. His hands reached for her again, but she shook her head, grasped them and pinned them above his head, the rhythm slowing with movements. "Let me do all the work."

"Jesus, babe let me...give...something...in...return," he grinded. Fuck she felt so damn good. She was soaking wet. "Please just let me..." He watched her eyes grow black from desire, her skin grow clammy.

She smiled through his growing haze. "You're alive. That's what you've given me." She sat back up and quickened her pace.

Undeterred, his slid a finger into her pussy and teased her clit, causing her to cry out his name. He smiled at her triumphantly before pushing himself up onto his elbows and then wrapping his arms around her. She ran her fingers through his damp, sweaty hair and planted tender kisses on his forehead before her eyes focused intensely on his, their mouths hanging open from the carnal activity which was bringing them to an intense orgasm.

Mandy was about to say something but stopped herself, gnawing the bottom of her lip as tears dripped down. A sweet smile formed on Nick's lips as he leaned over and kissed her, whispering for her to say what she wanted to say.

"I'm scared," she answered, her voice going up an octave, both from their heated state and the emotions going with it.

"Don't be." He rasped as he was pummelling her like a jackhammer, his hands holding her head.

"What if you don't..." The tears were pouring down. Shit, she had to be such a freakin' girl!

"I do."

Her eyes widened. "But you said that before...and..."

"Not gonna happen this time." He swallowed and then leaned into her and whispered the three words. "I love you." It emerged from his lips as a gasp, his eyes closed as he held her close, slowing down for a bit to savour the moment.

More tears slid from her eyes as she rested her head on his shoulder, and caress the back of his head. He waited to hear her say it. She didn't. He wouldn't push it.

Breaking the embrace with him, she gently eased him back, reminding him she was still in charge.

Resting on the pillows, he watched as she swivelled her hips and squeezed him. Her eyes were closed and she gnawed on the corner of her bottom lip. He couldn't hold back anymore and urged her to let go.

At last he felt her walls clamp around him. Her body tightened as her head fell back with a cry and finally his own world splintered around him leaving him suspended until he felt her clammy body collapse over him with enough sense still to mind his wound. His arms immediately draped around her, feeling her shudder, and slowly she eased off him and snuggled into the crook of his arm.

As their breathing evened out, Nick listened to the sounds coming in from the window. There were robins outside chattering about. His next door neighbours wind chimes were clanging away with the wind. Children squealed with delight and dogs barked.

Sounds of the living. Sounds like this used to bother him when he was trying to rest up from a long shift or before a long shift, but no longer did they, because hearing them meant he was alive.

Wearily, Mandy pulled herself together. Her legs were still shaking as was the rest of her. Her hair was askew as she smiled, "You look tuckered out."

"I'm pooped," he mumbled, and then he continued, "But not too tired." An idea popped into his head. "Did you know I have a hammock in my backyard?" He looked down at her.

She eyed him. "Nope."

"I don't get to use it much, but when I do, it's nice to just swing away."

"But you don't have any trees in your yard."

"Yes I do. I have one, and I use the post for the other." Nick smiled. "Care to join me?" Then he added, "After we get dressed and have that mac and cheese you baked for me."

"I thought we could just swing in the buff." Mandy laughed and she stood up and walked back to the guest room to get dressed.

"I don't think the neighbours would be happy about that," Nick snorted.

His parents had sent him the hammock. It was a handmade, Mayan hammock that had a diamond weave and more than 2 miles of durable nylon. It had room for up to three people. But only two would occupy it.

Nick had bought a metal hammock stand and had tied one end to it while the other was tied snugly to his tree.

The breeze was gentle as he and Mandy swung lazily in it, their arms wrapped around one another. He had thrown on some black track pants and a t-shirt, while she wore a wrap-around skirt and a smock.

"I know I haven't been much fun lately," Nick finally said after enjoying the sweet sounds of the world around him.

He felt her shake her head. "You've been fine. What did you expect? You were badly injured and your body needs time to heal," Mandy said.

"Well, I mean I haven't been a dine and wine boyfriend."

Mild exasperation crossed her face.

"Gees, Nick. I'm not that demanding, nor am I about to be drinking with you anytime soon." She laughed as she picked up a paperback book and flipped it open before adding, "And this is a perfect idea of a date." She ran her hand up to his face and kissed him.

The sun shone through the lone tree as he watched the leaves dance about.

"I miss Warrick," Nick suddenly said, unsure of where it came from but it fell out.

Mandy squeezed him. "Me too."

"I've really tried to put it behind me, but it's hard. He was the first friend I made when I got here and we had some good times."

"Then hold onto them and think of those times when you feel grief. It doesn't go away on its own, but it gets easier to deal with the pain."

The wind blew a gentle breeze as Nick squeezed Mandy to him and kissed her forehead.

"Wanna go to the movies later? See that new Mickey Rourke movie?"

Mandy smiled up at him. "Yeah, let's do that. I've got the next few days off."

"I got my reviews done and can work at home, so let's just have fun."

"As long as you take it easy."

Nick laughed, "Well, I'm not about to go hiking."

Chuckling, Mandy laid her head on his shoulder. "Or we can hang out in the hammock."

"That sounds good, Dandy Mandy." Nick rested his chin on her hair, inhaling the lovely scent of her shampoo. "You wanna know something?"

"What?"

"I'm not afraid to die anymore," Nick said. "I mean, not that I want to die, but it's just that...well, most people fear death because they don't know what's on the other side, but I know now that just because the body shuts off, the spirit doesn't."

Mandy looked up at him with a sceptical smile. "Are you sayin' you believe in God?"

"I never said I didn't," he retorted. "I just wasn't sure, but now I know life doesn't end in death. It's just the end of the era for the body and then it's time for the spirit to take over."

"Kind of like a long-time character on a show leaves, giving the rest of the cast a chance to shine."

"Kind of like that," Nick answered. "But it wasn't my time yet."

He noticed tears brimming in her eyes and she leaned over and whispered, "I'm glad for that, Nick. I'm really glad." Then she seemed to take a deep breath, swallow and breathed, "And I love you too."

Smiling warmly, he planted a soft kiss on her lips and enjoyed the silence that followed with only the sounds the world accompany the turning of Mandy's paperback.

It was mid-afternoon when he woke up again, not even realizing he had fallen asleep. Mandy had dozed off as well. Her book lay on his stomach. He would have loved to have stayed there all day.

"Sleeping again," he mumbled to her.

"You wore me out this morning." She yawned and lifted her head, her glasses askew, and he fixed them for her.

"Well, sex is good exercise." He stretched out his arms with a grunt and awkwardly they climbed out of the hammock, nearly tripping in the process. Laughing, they headed back into his house.

While Mandy showered, Nick went to check his e-mail and was surprised to find one from Sara Sidle.

He clicked on it and found a video link, so he clicked on it.

"Hey there!" her tired, non-made-up face greeted him. "Grissom says hello. I'm really glad to hear you are doing better. I'm sorry I couldn't make the trip with him, but believe it or not, atheist me prayed for you. I went to the local church and got down on my knees at a pew and prayed you'd be okay." Her eyes teared up for a moment and she wiped them back. "Damn you, Nick, for making me do that. The local priest allowed me to come in daily to light candles for you." She went on to describe the church, a tiny, little chapel in the middle of nowhere. "But I wanted to let you know how much I miss you and I know things were a bit tense that last time I was there with Warrick and the way I said goodbye. I'm really sorry about that. It had nothing to do with you, but with me. I was burnt out and tired, but I'm happy. I really am. I hope to hear from you soon and take care of yourself. Hey, and you know, come join us sometime. It's beautiful here. I'll send you some pictures I've taken. It's nice to take shots of living things instead of dead people." Her face grew sombre. "Nick, please don't let this life of death you work in rob you of any new felt joy you have. If you ever feel burned out or need a break, get a hold of us. You're always welcome. I really mean that." She leaned into the camera and winked. "And bring Mandy!"

_Dammit Grissom! Well, you can't get one without the other._

Nick leaned back in the chair and sighed. Any bitterness he had towards Sara now vanished and now he felt at peace.

He could never leave his job. As long as bad guys like Rambo walked the streets, Nick would be there making sure they would never hurt anyone again.

But when all was said and done, he was going to live life, savouring each second, but never again worry about dying as he knew it was not the end. The body may cease, but the soul moves on.

Seeing Warrick in his journey even brought some closure because Nick knew for sure he'd see his buddy again.

Listening to the shower run, he thought about joining Mandy, but if he did that they'd never leave the house. Not that that was a bad thing, but he had spent weeks in bed and wanted to get out into the world again, be among the living, and even the cynical streets of Vegas fit the bill because he would not allow it to contaminate his soul again.

He shut off his computer and glanced at the two books Grissom had given him. He picked up the _Life of Pi_ and decided he'd save that for another time. Laying it back on the desk, he held _The Five People You Meet In Heaven_, stood up, and went back out into the hammock.

Nick stared at the book and the rollercoaster on the cover. He recognized the author, Mitch Albom. He was a sports writer. Interesting change of careers!

Blowing out breath and resting the book on his stomach he began to read.

**The End**

_This is a story about a man named Eddie and it begins at the end, with Eddie dying in the sun. It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time._

_**-fini-**_

_Thanks for reading this story. I enjoyed writing it and I enjoyed the feedback from y'all._

_Thanks again Smokey for your beta, encouragement and feedback._

_And thanks to Stokesgirl for her feedback as well._


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